Anybody Home

This is my nephew, Chris. He is a really nice guy. Handsome, smart, he has it all.
Our family knows A LOT of Chris'. I call this one Nephew Chris. Youngest Son calls him Fat Chris. Oldest Son calls him Cousin Chris.
Whatever you call him, he is in Cleveland tonight with Youngest Son, and Youngest Son's friend, Skinny Chris. Oldest Son's wife is also named Chris. But, we call her Christine to distinguish her from all the other Chris'. There is also a Big Crystal who is actually very thin, and Little Crystal, who is, well...little. We also had a neighborhood friend who I called 'F' word Chris. He sure did love to use that word. 'F' word Chris took one look at my bookcase and got really scared. I'm not sure why. Anyway...just thought you might want to meet Nephew Chris. He is one of the nicest people I know.

I got my Three-Year-Old Friend this 20 inch Barbie magnetic paperdoll for Christmas. Normally I'm not a fan of Barbie but I really liked this one. And, my Three-Year-Old friend's mom looks exactly like Barbie, so it isn't like she will be given unrealistic expectations. I expect that she will grow up to look just like this Barbie.
My TYO friend gave me four Scrabble mugs with hot cocoa. I'm a big Scrabble fan.
We read "The Animal's Christmas Eve", played with the "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" toys and danced around with the cane and mink hat. She also played "baby" which was a lot of fun for her - not so much for me. Then she found a "Care Bear" video. She watched that for awhile until, thankfully, it broke.
Life is good.

Youngest Son with Three-Year-Old Friend. We had a wonderful day together. She played with playdoh while 'the guys' played Monopoly. Now I'm tired, and Youngest Son is on his way to Cleveland.

My family was all together for dinner tonight. Oldest Son and Daughter-in-law made it safely from Illinois. Daughter and Son-in-law joined us for dinner. Youngest Son is here too, but leaves soon for a weekend in Cleveland.

I received a wonderful gift from Daughter and Son-in-law for Christmas, a 7 quart crock pot. Tonight I broke it in with a porkloin. Add potatoes, carrots, rolls and Oldest Son's Christmas cookies and it made for a feast. And to think it wasn't even planned.

We won't be having our family Christmas celebration until Sunday, when Youngest Son returns from Cleveland. That still gives me some time to bake, shop and wrap.

Maybe we will have a NEW family member by then!

Tune in again tomorrow, when I hope to have delightful stories about my Three-Year-Old Friend who is coming over to play tomorrow. I even bought fresh playdoh just for the occasion.

That reminds me...I have to wrap her present...

Tonight, Daughter was over. We were watching "One True Thing" on TV. Casually she mentioned to me that it looked like something ran past the doorway. Neither of us flinched. That's how much we've grown. Or, maybe it's just because our senses have been dulled due to the extreme lack of sunshine in these parts.

I'm pretty sure I know what she saw. As I sit here posting this, it is obvious that there is something moving around in this old slipcovered couch.

The Husband God Gave Me plugged up more holes. This means they cannot escape, which I am sure they would do if they could. It's warmer outside than in, or so it seems.

I spent a good share of my day reading a website with ideas on how to get rid of mice. I have cotton saturated in oil of peppermint all around, which seems to only have sent them on the run.

While I sit on this couch, I have my fearless cat, Barb on my lap. I'm also banging the remote on the wall in an effort to move the refugee on.

From the web sites I've read, it could be worse. It could be A LOT worse. At least we are catching them (another in the dog water bowl). And I can't imagine what they are eating, the PEOPLE who live here can't find any food.

I should tell you about the time we had a possum in our house. It was another big old house. This one in Grandville. It was a smaller town then. THGGM wasn't sure what to do (we had an infant and two other very young children). He called the police to inquire. They said "Hang on, we'll be right over!" They sent officers with guns. These guys had a great time chasing that thing around our basement, with their guns drawn. But, that's a story for a different time...

Thankfully, we made it through Christmas day without my niece who hates mice (oh...like i don't?) finding out that we have them. None showed up on Christmas day.

The Husband God Gave Me had the day off. It has been wonderful having him back home again. Now he can empty the traps. Oh, and he is just nice to be with.

We got up at our usual time and had coffee on the couch, enjoying the Christmas lights. The sun hasn't appeared in days, nor does it seem as if it will.

Even though there is still quiche and eggnog french toast left from our Monday morning Christmas gathering, we went out for breakfast. And next we braved the mall. It wasn't busy at all. THGGM was able to spend his gift cards, and while he shopped I went to the book store to get calendars. Wouldn't want to 'run out of days'.

My rule still holds. For every new book I bring into the house, three must go. At my neighborhood thrift store, I found an old library copy of Dorothy Sayers "The Nine Tailors". It's a lovely red hardcover in excellent condition. I'll let go of three Dave Berry books for this one. I also found some 3-6 month blue jeans with a snap crotch, and a Gap shirt with trains for Grandson. I found two boxes of old silver Christmas ball ornaments. I haven't dared to touch them yet, as with having no feeling in my fingers, I drop stuff frequently, and what I don't drop I break from holding it to tightly.

We arrived home around noon and had more coffee on the couch, this time with Daughter also. Then, I left to bring my dad to his breathing therapy. He did well. I struggled to stay awake. I had brought along the newpaper and a brand new magazine, but sitting in a waiting room for three hours, even that well ran dry.

Back home, THGGM was busy plugging holes. My dryer now vents into the back porch. As I walked past my cat to view THGGM's handiwork, I notice he was clutching something tightly to his chest (the cat was). It was a rather good sized mouse. This one we named #38. Having a cat is helpful, but even he isn't THAT hungry.

By now we've missed lunch and are hungry again. But, I lack whatever it is that causes one to be able to even THINK about cooking. So, we went back to the same place we had breakfast. Only I made a grave error and drank regular coffee.

In the evening I played around with my new digital camera. I think I would be able to figure it out easily if it wasn't that it is so tiny, and all of the things written on or about it are tiny also. I didn't have much luck. Thankfully, Son-in-law is a pro at stuff like this. That reminds me...Son-in-law also got a digital camera for Christmas from his parents. Or so he/they thought. When he eagerly opened the box, it was empty! Anyway - back to me - while I delved into this worthy endeavor, THGGM watched "Law and Order" reruns. He got cranky when I kept asking him to explain the story line to me. Sometimes there seems to NOT be a story line. I don't like that show. Just when I think it should start, they play that funny music, and it's OVER. He went to bed muttering something about having to go back to work tomorrow.

At 1:00 I was disappointed to be done with my MASH episodes. By 1:30 Youngest Son appeared and asked me what I was waiting for. Sleep, I told him, sleep. Around 2:30 I finished up all my Catherine Paterson Christmas stories and strapped on my ugly wrist splints.

Isn't daily life grand?

Daughter decided that this would be her year to play "Santa Claus" as she had the biggest belly. Looking around the room, I sincerely doubt that. I still look more pregnant than she does. Anyway, she made a cute Santa.

One of my favorite Christmas decorations. I usually wrap it in white lights and netting, but this year chose to leave it simple.

Waiting to celebrate Christmas with Oldest Son and his lovely wife, Daughter-in-law. They will be coming this weekend, and hope to have a nephew by then. Nobody wishes this more than Daughter.

This is Charley and Max with their grandpa. We are still waiting for the 'real' grandson to make his grand appearance. In the mean time, Charley and Max get a lot of attention from us. They are going to have a lot of adjusting to do in the next few months. Max is obedient. Charley is a beagle-mix. Need I say more?

Leaving church on Sunday, my mom slipped on the ramp. She hurt her ankle, knee and got a nasty bump on the back of her head. She did have a great time just the same. My mom has dementia, and is sometimes very good, and sometimes not so good. She came directly to my house, where I proceeded to ask her what one should do when one gets a bump on the head. She replied that I should just make sure she didn't fall asleep, or seem confused or disoriented. Then she laughed. How could we tell that with her??? Anyway, her head and knee seem to be improving with time. Her ankle is a wee bit swollen, but she can get around with an ankle brace.
My mother is the only person in the whole wide world that I do not want to see my house a mess. That is because she took great pains when I was a child to get me to care as much about neatness and order as she does. I had put off cleaning up my kitchen til just before everyone arrived, but, due to her mishap, she arrived two and one half hours early.
Thanks goes the The Husband God Gave Me for doing his best to get things ready. Even more thanks goes to my wonderful cat, Barb (the boy) who nestled in on mom's lap and calmed her right down.
After this incident, I didn't really enjoy the day much, as I kept thinking that I wasn't doing all that I could for mom.
Then, that nasty problem with my dog.
Oh...and for those who are keeping track, on Christmas night we caught three more mice. Even nailing two in one old-fashioned snap trap.
I tried to catch that 'Christmasy feeling' as it flashed by, but this year, I just didn't.
I must also mention that THGGM went all out and bought me a digital camera. None of the pictures on my blog so far come from that. I'm working between two computers, and don't have it set 'just so' yet. That is why this picture is not cropped properly. I did get it to flip. Otherwise, if you wanted to view the picture of my injured mother and my oldest niece, you would have had to grab your monitor and hold it upside down.

The Best Dog I've Ever Had (the only dog i've ever had!).
She is a sweet looking dog, isn't she? This week she had another bad day of seizures. And, on Christmas day she had some nasty intestinal problems, which I will not explain in much detail. Except to say that 'de-tail' had a very bad problem which I had to deal with. I am still dealing with it. All I can say is, she IS sweet, but she is also GROSS. For an old dog, she is fast, and runs when I try to approach her, with my squirt bottle and wads of paper towel in a plastic bag. In the future, I will remember to give her her daily dose of benefiber, and will not give her any cheese.

May your days be merry and bright!

This is the room I have been working on for weeks. I've included a picture of Youngest Son, as he was the one who did all of the moving and heavy lifting.
This room is now full of Oldest Son's collection of Nutcrackers and strings of multi-colored icicle lights.

I haven't sent out my Christmas letter yet. I'm waiting, hoping that I will be able to put in all the particulars about the new member of the family. That doesn't seem likely. Daughter is out Christmas shopping with a friend.

I have received a number of Christmas cards already. I love them, and hope it is a tradition that doesn't diminish. I'm surprised to have received any this year, as I haven't sent any yet, nor did I last year.

One card came with a note from Lynne. Lynne is a woman that The Husband God Gave Me worked with for many many years. She has three sons of her own, but always took the time to care about THGGM, in much the way a mother would. At Daughter's wedding reception nearly two years ago, Lynne and her husband sat at the table with us. THGGM's mother didn't even come.

Jean is another friend, whom I dearly miss. I learned much from her. Jean's two sons were adopted as young boys. Both died in their early 40's. One of AIDS, one was found murdered. Jean and her husband move around a lot. I can't even remember how many countries they have called home. One that I do remember is Iran. Now they live in the mountains in the south. Jean likes to teach people deep stuff and suffers that so many people just don't want to learn. We hit it off on that point alone.

My friend Jan I rarely see, but at one time we were neighbors. How wonderful to catch up on her life! If you need to be encouraged, she's the person to know. And if you want a recipe for anything ooey and gooey, she's good for that too.

Debbie is a friend who travels all around the world also. She survived the cyclone that hit Bangladesh, and last year in January traveled to the tsunami's hardest hit areas. One of my favorite ever memories is listening to her recite lines from Monty Python while we picked wild raspberries one hot summer afternoon in Michigan's upper peninsula. I also will never forget how she demanded a bed for me on a 'college tour' that we took some kids on. I can still hear her saying 'This woman is PREGNANT and she is NOT going to sleep on the floor!' She told me that night that where she grew up - all visitors are treated like honored guests, which wasn't the case at this particular Bible Institute. I remember her saying that there were a few things they could learn from the Muslims she knows. Anyway, after I miscarried, she told me she held the school responsible.

Another card came from a kid I went through all 12 grades of school with. His goal was to retire at 45, and it looks like he did it. I haven't even decided what I want to DO yet. Anyway, he was always a really nice guy and I could not be happier for him and his wife.

My friend Anne who lives in Maine will be spending her first Christmas day ever without her youngest son at home. He is invited to celebrate with my family, since he lives around here now. I wish she could come to!

I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival of several more of these letters. I DO hope they come. From my friend Julie, who is a wonderful writer and has a very interesting life. Karen, who had her hopes dashed when the baby they planned to adopt in September was kept by the urging of the grandmother - the same grandmother who approached them in the first place to adopt this child. Kathy, who now lives in Chile but used to live in the apartment below us. She showed me such great kindness during Oldest Son's first illness that I wish she had been around so I could return the favor. And Sandy, who was my maid of honor and with her husband recently gave up a nice life in the Chicago area to move the family to Newberry, Michigan to pastor a church there.

Not one of these friends would consider themselves influential. But they are. That's the beauty of it. It isn't what they do, it's who they are. Or, better yet, WHOSE they are.

This is how I am displaying my old Christmas cards this year. I didn't buy these, they belonged to The Husband God Gave Me's grandmother. The notes written inside are SO interesting! I love the little bottle-brush trees too. She also gave us boxes full of those, but I threw them away. I bought these at a thrift store this year.

A closer look at a new use
for old Christmas tree
bulbs. And, as I happily point out, old green books.

Some times it works, sometimes it doesn't. Last year I found a bag full of brightly colored Christmas tree bulbs at a thrift store. They were cheap, and so am I, so I bought them, brought them home and threw them into a bowl. It didn't look great. This year, I brought them all out again, and suddenly was overcome with an urge to do something else with them. So, I dragged out my candle holders, and plopped some in those. I sort of like them! I have cobalt blue ones in the holder on my back porch and red and orange ones in the den. Naturally, the green and white ones found a home with the ever welcoming green books.

Even my back porch/laundry room welcomes you (and, you are welcome to do the laundry)!

Not even the bathroom is spared.
I didn't add lights to the little tree this
year. Instead, I hung jewelry from it.

For some reason, this looks peaceful to me. But, if you were to sit in that chair you would view the baking chaos which is on my dining room table. I do like my wax paper 'frost' on the window panes.

This is the view from opposite the dining room window. Norman Rockwell Santa plates, and Mother's Day plates. I think those look like Mrs. Santa.

Daughter and I made these yesterday and frosted them today. Although I've never met a cookie I didn't like, this recipe is my favorite. I especially like how they turn out using a baking stone.

CUT-OUT COOKIES

3 sticks butter, softened
1 and 1/3 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon soda
2 teaspoons vanilla
3 cups flour

Chill. Roll. Cut-Out!

Bake in 350 degree oven for 10 minutes or until cookie is slightly browned on edges.

Decorate as desired!

Several Christmas' ago, I woke up with extremely painful hands. I tried to frost a batch of cherry almond rolls and could not do it. By the time my extended family arrived, I couldn't even hold a spoon.

The only things I could remember doing that might have caused the pain were:

cutting out wax paper snowflakes for all my windows
wrapping about one hundred presents
making dozens and dozens of dozens of different cookies
stamped hundreds of Christmas cards
addressed all my envelopes in calligraphy
crocheted a bunch of scarves
stirred up batches of thick sticky candies
piano playing
hand sewing
pin and bracelet making
ummm...maybe a bit of typing

Just to name a few.

By evening, an ornament fell off the tree and I tried to pick it up. I nearly passed out from the pain. It was excrutiating.

At the same time this was all happening, my dad was developing an extremely bad case of cellulitus. He didn't want to 'ruin' Christmas, so he kept this problem to himself. He spent more than two weeks in the hospital with a fire red leg from his toes to his hip. That is why I didn't do anything about my hands that year. They got better while I drove back and forth to the hospital.

But that happened three years ago.

Sooooo, earlier this month, when I realized that my hands had been numb for days...no, weeks..., no, months - I went to the doctor.

Of course, I had researched all of the possibilities and had already made my diagnosis. But my doctor begged to differ. Still, he did the tests, but they came back normal. So he told me what to do. I didn't like it, so I didn't do it.

I realized this week that I had too much to do to risk losing the use of my hands again. So I bought them - those hideous black wrist splints which I must wear every night. On both hands.

I do not like it.

While most of the civilized world was out Christmas shopping, The Husband God Gave Me and I went to Home Depot last night to buy top of the line mouse traps. I know...I said I would no longer post about mice, but I have family who read my blog, and I want them to know that I have taken every human effort to rid this place of those awful vermin.

So, we bought glue traps and those snappy kind that look like a giant clothes pin. We rushed home and added them to the old fashioned kind we have had set for months - with only minimal success - one hapless mouse was decapitated and where it's 'capit' went, we do not know.

Oh - and at Home Depot we spent fifteen minutes in the self-check out while a computerized voice told us to "REMOVE ITEM FROM BAGGING AREA" repeatedly. THGGM was cranky. He is a customer service guy, and a lack of good customer service causes him to break out in utter disgust. He had a bad case of that, he did.

Anyway, we got home and he set all the traps. Every fifteen minutes or so from the time he set them until I went to bed at 1:30, I checked the traps.

Nothing.

When THGGM got up this morning, all eight of the new traps stood empty. Of course, in one of the old-fashioned traps that has been set and ready in the exact spot for weeks - a dead mouse.

All we've caught in the dreaded glue-trap is the toaster cord.

First, let me tell you that I believe the Christmas story to be true.

That doesn't stop me from wondering about the many parts of the story that aren't told.

I have always wondered, since BOTH Mary and Joseph were descendants of David, why didn't some other family member give them THEIR room for the night? They had to go to Bethlehem too. Was Mary, even though now married to Joseph, being shuned by their families?

And, where does it say that Mary was phlegmatic? Why must obedient women always be portrayed as quiet? It would seem to me that God would have chosen someone to bare His Son who would be a strong-minded, able bodied, wearer of something other than just pale blue woman who could handle having a baby in a barn, entertain kings she had no idea were coming, and run away to another country at a moments notice.

Daughter and I were talking yesterday, she who is in her 9th month of pregnancy, and I asked her how she would feel if Son-in-law announced to her that they were leaving on a manditory journey by foot (who said they had a donkey?). The walking part sounded good to her, and, at this point, having the baby in a barn seems secondary to just HAVING the baby.

I also doubt that Mary lacked the female hormones that cause one to 'nest'. Please don't picture a dirty barn. I'm sure that before she was through with it, even the barn had a halo over it.

Shepherds were quite often young girls. Angels are said to look like men.

Much to ponder...

This post comes to you from my new couch. Yes, it is here, and I am shallow enough to post about it.

It isn't all fluffy and sinky like my former couch, so I am feeling rather high and mighty. Like when I bark out orders, people should actually obey. It is the color of the letters I am typing. Sort of olive-greeny, yet not.

A few weeks back when I was sick, I wrote an e-mail to a friend telling her how I hadn't gone to church that morning because I had a bad couch. Of course, I meant to say COUGH, but didn't. Even spell check cannot alert me to such stupidity. Although, it was true, I DID have a bad couch, but not bad enough to keep me from going out in public.

I had hoped to enjoy some moments of solitude, sitting on my couch enjoying the Christmas lights before the day begins. But, no. That must be asking too much. There is a 'beeping' in this room. I cannot tell from whence it originates. It beeps onces every few minutes. Only once. That does NOT give me enough time to find out what it is! I see no cell-phones, no smoke detector, no hearing aide wearing person, NOTHING.

Sadly, the bad cough is still around in the morning. And, the bad couch looks pretty good one room over.

(oh, and i just discovered the source of the beeping - 'low battery' warning from the automatic thermostat.)

Happy Monday Before Christmas!

In an effort to have more space for the 18 guests coming to my home on Christmas day, I have been working to move my arts/crafts/absolute junk from my 'loft' into a spare bedroom.

I must report that I am making progress - I am ALMOST there. This room now has a couch, two rocking chairs and three somewhat organized book cases.

It also pleases me to let the world know that I will be doing my very best to avoid thrift stores. I have solemnly promised THGGM with Daughter as my witness, that for every book I buy, I will pack up three to give away. This should help me develop some level of discernment in my book buying, which, I must admit has been sadly lacking lately.

Daughter suggested an intervention. I suggested that she take half my books. But as she likes to point out, she already has a book.

Anyway, today THGGM drove four heavy boxes of books and a bunch of other nickynackypaddywacky stuff to Valueland. I will miss all of my friends at Valueland.

I did leave a little bit of space in my loft for my sewing machine, even though I don't sew, except for a little bit of hand sewing here and there. If I could ever convince myself that following a pattern would be helpful, I might be able to actually sew. I also left a table for those who feel so inclined as to play board games up there on Christmas day.

Since it has mostly been Youngest Son and THGGM moving everything into my 'new' art/craft/small amount of junk room, I can only guess what it looks like up there, but I will concern myself with that later in the week when I am wrapping gifts and making tags.

I've been watching "The Sound of Music" tonight. THGGM couldn't stay awake, so I tucked him in early. I have not watched "The Sound of Music" in about 100 years, it seems. When I watched it before, Christopher Plummer seemed an old man. WOW! He is not old anymore! How does that happen?

Well, I scared Youngest Son, who sat down to watch it with me. With just the tree lights on in the den, everything has a 'pumpkiny' glow about it. Even Youngest Son, whom I had been telling how dropdead gorgeous Christopher Plummer had suddenly become. When I told him that HE looked extremely handsome tonight also, he got up and left, and said he would holler out a warning to his father as he passed our room.

I have a favorite Christopher Plummer quote, from when he played a cardinal in "The Thornbirds". "It's a beeaauutiful bed, but I shall die on it." Ah, but he wasn't handsome then, just old.

And to think that people used to tell me all the time that I was 'too deep'.

Ha. THIS will show them!

A few weeks back, I received in e-mail from someone who had read my blog.

Someone whom I have always highly admired. A writer. A gentleman.

My husband and I had planned a "Sanctity of Human Life" worship service at our church many, many January's ago. I cannot even remember how it came about that we did this.

As I recall, it started with the reading of the George MacDonald poem that starts "Where did you come from, baby dear...?" Somewhere in the service The Husband God Gave Me read a story we had discovered in an anthology by Jim Trelease that we had first read to our children. The story "The Power of the Powerless: A Brother's Lesson" was written, and was lived, by Christopher de Vinck.

You've probably read it. It's the story of Christopher de Vinck's brother, Oliver. I won't tell you more than that, because, if you haven't read it, you simply MUST. It's that good. And real. And meaningful. And, life changing.

From a comment I left on another blog Christopher de Vinck was led to a post I had written recommending his book, "Only the Heart Knows How to Find Them".

In my mail box this week, three books arrived. All three signed by Christopher de Vinck. I am so moved. In his e-mail, he mentioned that whenever someone tells him how the story of his brother Oliver has touched them, he calls his parents to let them know.

I have treasured the story of Oliver since I first heard it. As, I am sure, I will treasure the stories in the three books he gave THGGM and me for Christmas.

Do you still need a gift for someone? Please consider looking for any book by Christopher de Vinck.

Now, besides the anthology containing the beautiful story of Oliver, and the book "Only the Heart Knows How to Find Them", I have three more:

"Threads of Paradise", Simple Wonders", and "Love's Harvest".

And I bid you, "Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward Men".

Except for hanging the icicle lights on the front porch, I do believe we have decked the halls with enough stuff to please the spirit of Christmas yet to come.

The Husband God Gave Me and Daughter went out for breakfast this morning and Christmas shopping. I wish them well. I stayed home to finish cleaning my loft, which needs to have furniture moved into it when THGGM gets home.

Tomorrow, a new couch will be delivered! YES! Our old couch, which is our last piece of 'new' furniture - unless you count the stuff we carried across the street from Roy's Resale World - was yellow. What a huge mistake THAT was! What were we thinking? We had three teenagers and three pets. But, actually, it was my three months of living on the couch when I injuried my knee that really did it in. Once, during that time, I sat (for hours!) on an opened permanent black marker. Flipping the cushion helped for awhile, that is until I did it again. Then the bottom fell out. Of the couch. But we learned, never buy a yellow couch or one with lose cushions. Or live on one 24/7 for three months. Wise words. Heed them.

So, tomorrow a new darker colored couch arrives. I belive it cost half of what the yellow one did, but I like it. It will replace the thirty dollar thrift store couch that we bought to replace the dirty yellow couch which is now in the den sporting a khaki slipcover.

That means that today I must find room for this couch (i am sitting on it in the living room) in the loft. Two kitchen tables still sit up there covered with interesting things. Old books to decopauge with, old pictures to scrapbook, books, books, books, and a whole lot of free-floating stuff waiting for boxes so they can be brought to the thrift store and get on with their lives.

Will I get this all done? I do not know. As, I have a warm kitty on my lap, a warm dog at my feet, a warm cup of coffee in my numb hand and a warm happy feeling in my heart.

Oh...I have to go...it isn't going to do itself...

To the tune of "Oh Be Careful Little Eyes What You See".

Oh, be careful little blogger what you post.

Oh, be careful little blogger what you post.

For there are people all around

(this next part must be sung all in one breath, so as not to disturb the rhythm)

Who don't understand that you are just
posting conflicting ideas running
rampant through your head
that even cause your mother to lose sleep
but not to lose respect for your attempts
to understand deeper things

Oh, be careful little blogger what you post!

(Youngest Son's blog no longer exists. Now how will I know what thoughts - odd and disturbing though they be - he is entertaining in that complicated mind of his?)

...Many, many years ago, I was a freshman in highschool. Our choir joined other choirs for something called a choir festival. My alto friends and I noticed that there were too many altos, but a small amount of tenors, so being the thoughtful, helpful, desperate girls that we were decided to join the tenors.

From this one decision, I met four eligible and equally thoughtful, helpful and desperate highschool guys. One of them I spent years fighting off with a stick, one smelled like a kitchen, one has a career in music and one...the dreamy one who now that I think about it looked an awful lot like Kelso from "That 70's Show" I liked so much it made me sick.

Yes. Physically sick. Especially on our first official 'date', which as I recall amounted to the professional tenor and my highschool friend Jan, and Kelso and I eating frozen pizza at my house on a very very snowy December 15.

But, I was so nervous. In the past, being nervous for me has always meant throwing-up. I have no idea why, but that's what I did. Before Christmas programs, first days of school, first day of a new job...time to throw-up.

Now, add to that - first date. Well, if you can call that a date. Anyway, it was most unpleasant. This time though, I did not throw-up before, no...I waited to throw-up DURING the date. I'm not going to tell you more than that. But, I will add that this was not the last time. In front of this same guy, I threw-up two more times, on two separate occasions.

This guy moved out of state a few years later and I lost track of him. I did remember a few things about him though. And, also what he aspired to in highschool. This caused me to be able to successfully 'google' him. He now lives in the south and pastors a baptist church.

I'm sure you are all asking, 'Did you throw-up on your first date with The Husband God Gave You?' No. Not on the first date. Actually, it was about six and one half years after our first date, when I was trying to give birth to Oldest Son. I consented to Demoral (actually, i think it was when i was screaming KILL ME that someone shot a dart of it at me) and this caused me to throw-up. While holding that pink kidney-shaped bowl for me, I distinctly remember THGGM saying, "Well, finally, I made you throw-up."

Somehow, it seems like there should be a better way to end this post, but all I can think of is to say that he still has the power to make me throw-up to this day. THGGM, that is.

He will be driving home from Chicago this afternoon in a little black Ford Focus. The weather around the lake sure doesn't sound very promising. I want him home so badly (for three whole weeks) that I am so nervous I could throw-up. Instead, I'll be praying for his safe return all day.

Feel free to join me in that.

I just got back from playing Christmas songs while my friend Laura sang. I have known Laura since before she was born. She was my son's friend until my daughter came along and the two of them have forged a sister-like bond, as neither of them were blessed with sisters, until they each got a sister-in-law. Their sisters-in-law are friends also. I just think that is really cool.

Laura and Daughter have been coming over on Wednesday's for the past few weeks to work on Christmas gifts. Well, Laura and I have been working, Daughter just whines about how much she hates crafty stuff. She's busy growing a baby, so we excuse her from particapating. And, by the way, it is obvious today that Baby has dropped as she has a totally new look about her.

Anyway...while Laura finished up her snowman snowglobes and gift jars with apron's I attempted to make some Sculpey pins. Laura's projects are complete and ready to wrap, mine look sad. And, like they need something more, but I don't know what.

It all seemed like such a good idea when I started. Now, I'm not exactly sure what to do with them. I have drawers and boxes full of things that seemed like a good idea at the time, but that now I cannot think of a thing to do with them.

Oh, well.

We ended our day by going over to church to sing Christmas song. This was made difficult by the simple fact that my left hand is almost totally numb. It made for some interesting piano playing.

Anyway, we do a fabulous rendition of "Angels from the Realms of Glory", "Angels We Have Heard on High" and "Hark! The Herold Angels Sing". Neither of us sounded so good tonight, but we certainly did sing/play our little hearts out, nearly callapsing by the end. We tend to be 'all the verses' people. We might need to rethink that.

We ended the night with "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas", as she is a huge Judy Garland fan. I've been playing it since The Husband God Gave Me went to St. Louis. But, I'm not a Judy Garland fan, although my name is Judy, and a love to wrap garland around stuff.

So, that's what I did today, how about you?

"The Christmas Stories of George MacDonald" - I read these every year. Whenever I find this book at the thrift store, I buy it for someone.

"Angels and Other Strangers - Family Christmas Stories" by Katherine Paterson - I bought this from one of my children's book clubs at school years ago. I read these stories the week before Christmas. Although, one of them I've only read once. It is just too sad. Very "real" writing in all of them.

"The Manger Is Empty" by Walter Wangerin, Jr. - Twenty-two examples of why Walter Wangerin, Jr. is one of my favorite writers.

"The Birds' Christmas Carol" by Kate Douglas Wiggin - A great little story about Carol Bird. Gotta love her.

"The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" by Barbara Robinson - One of the best ever opening paragraphs of all time - "The Herdmans were absolutely the worst kids in the history of the world. They lied and stole and smoked cigars (even the girls) and talked dirty and hit little kids and cussed their teachers and took the name of the Lord in vain and set fire to Fred Shoemaker's old broken-down toolhouse." How could you not finish that story?

"The Night Before Christmas" by Clement C. Moore - I'm collecting this book by various illustrators. It's the story I read (past tense) to my kids every Christmas Eve.

"When All the World Was Waiting - An Advent Book for Children" by Dorothy Van Woerkom - This book has a short reading, mostly from the Old Testament, for every day leading up until Christmas. My children have happy memories of this book. It made the Christmas season more meaningful to us, to know that everything didn't just somehow magically happen. There was A PLAN.

"Christmas from the Heart of the Home" by Susan Branch - This is actually a cookbook, but it is beautifully illustrated with Susan Branch's original watercolor artwork. Interspersed are stories of her family, which are delightful. I've only ever made one recipe from the book, but her writing and the quotes sprinkled throughout make it a favorite I return to again and again.

"Kneeling in Bethlehem" by Ann Weems - I love this book! It contains thoughts about Christmas. Some of the best writing about advent I've found anywhere. And I have looked! For years we would use these for worship during advent. I wish I owned it. But, I borrow it every year from the church library.

"A Christmas Treasury of Yuletide Stories and Poems" - I just picked this up last year, but the stories are 'of old' and all are good. I bought it because it contained "Christmas Every Day" by William Dean Howells. A truly great story.

The Husband God Gave Me loves to sleep in total darkness, with the humming sound of a fan in the background. Frankly, I can sleep anywhere.

For some reason, I have been watching M*A*S*H reruns into the wee hours of the morning. It's strangely comforting to me, although I can't imagine why a sitcom about war is comforting, as it seems as if it should be disturbing. But, anyway...I degress...

So, I have been flopping down on the livingroom couch to sleep. I enjoy having all the Christmas lights on and it is incredibly quiet.

Lately, I have been waking up at 7:00 AM with or without an alarm. This morning, I was awakened by a phone call at 8:45. As I stumbled through the house, shocked by what time it was and knowing that Daughter would be arriving at any time, I glanced at the Caller ID. The call was from the hospital. The very same hospital were Daughter will be having her baby.

It was a 'wrong number'.

Now, of all the times and the places for a 'wrong number' call to occur, why now? Why from the hospital?

Daughter arrived a few minutes later.

She wished it had been from her.

I think I'm starting to get a teensy bit anxious about all of this. Ya' think?

The year was 1995. I gave my 15 year old son this assignment.

Write out in essay format where you want to be in 10 years (you'll be 25!). Include each of these catagories:

Physically: health, weight, looks, where you want to be living, where will you work, if someone were to pass you on the street just by looking at you they would say "There goes a guy who..."

Mentally: how much education will you already have, what will be occupying your thoughts, how will you keep yourself challenged, how will you continue to educate yourself

Emotionally: who will support you emotionally, what will you do to relax and unwind, how will you cope when things are stressful, who will you love, how will you keep yourself pure

Spiritually: what will you seek to fill your inner needs, how will you avoid becoming shallow to the needs of others, what role will God have in your everyday life, how will the Bible stay relevant to you, how will you allow crisis and minor irritations to draw you closer to God, how will you respond to the spiritual needs of others, how will others be drawn to God by observing you

Financially: how much money will you need to survive, how will you decide how much money is enough, how will you save and invest, who will you help, how will you decide who needs your financial help, what role will money play in your life

Family: your sister will be 23, your borther 21, what kind of relationship will you have with them, how will you be influential in their lives. your parents will be 47, what kind of relationship will you have with each of them, what about your extended family

You may add your own additional catagories:

In ten years, when I'm twenty-five, I hope to live in a good sized house with my wife. I think that two hundred dollars a week will be enough to support the two of us, plus extras like a TV and stereo system. I will have a savings and checking account and have direct deposit. I will save fifty dollars a week in my savings accound and put the rest in checking and buy groceries and clothes and other necessities. I hope to be able to help people who need financial help. I will probably support a child through Kids Alive or Compassion International. I would like to be able to loan my parents money if they need it (I probably won't have my money back from dad in ten years though).

I will spend some of my money on exercise equipment because I would like to be in good health. I hope to weigh about 175-200 pounds and be extremely good looking. When people see me I want them to say, "There goes a guy who respects himself and takes care of his body."

I hope people see me as a nice, outgoing, and friendly person who they feel comfortable around. I hope to have lots of friends who I can hang out with at the mall, go to movies with, have come to our house, visit at their house, or just talk to. I want to be able to go out with my wife a lot to fancy restaurants and to movies or even make a romantic candle light dinner and rent a movie. I hope my wife can come see me in plays, or even movies because I never want to give up acting.

I also don't want to give up on my education. I hope to have at least two years at Community College and take some classes at Kendall College of Art and Design. I will continue to educate myself by reading, watching movies, and studying things that interest me.

I will continue to read the Bible as I do now and hopefully more so that I can make wise decisions. I would also like to continue working in Sunbeams, possibly as the leader, or as a Sunday School teacher with the primary kids. I hope that they will see me as an understanding, patient person so that they will listen to me and be drawn closer to God.

I hope that I live a successful and happy life so that if my brother or sister have a problem or questions I can help them because I've worked through them. I would like to live near my parents so that I can talk to them and ask them questions. I hope that my dad and I can still go out to eat and to movies and stuff. I hope that the whole family can still meet at grandma's on Sundays and on holidays. I plan to still talk to Jon and hopefully my other cousins, too.

I hope that my wife and I are very close so that if we have problems we can talk them out with each other. If things get really stressful, I hope that we can relax and unwind together by going out to the movies or on a vacation together. I will love my wife very much, as well as my family and God.

Happy 25th Birthday, Oldest Son!

Yesterday, The Husband God Gave Me, Daughter and I did some Christmas shopping together. I'm not much of a shopper, especially in crowds (i so do not like crowds) but Daughter had some crib bumper pads to exchange. We all headed out together down 28th St. in the black Lincoln rental that THGGM had for work.

Many random acts of weirdness happened on that trip.

First, Daughter noticed that the 'adult' theatre had an amature stripper night on Thursday's. She thought it would be funny for us to participate. Her in her 9th month, and me...well...I've no idea, but she probably just didn't want to go alone. Poor, poor THGGM having to chauffer around two strange women, laughing hysterically at the thought. Daughter seemed to think that our presence on stage would shut the business down for good.

Our first stop was to Schuler Books. This is a wonderful book store. I could spend hours and hours there. But, of course I can't when I went with the two members of my family who do not enjoy books. They got whiny after only 15 minutes. I was disappointed that I did not find what I went there for (magnetic poetry rubberstamps) but I did find many other great things. I got the Joan Steiner "Look-Alikes Christmas" which I find fascinating. As someone who has since toddlerhood been intrigued by things that look like other things, this book is just too fun! The non-readers I brought with me enjoyed it also.

THGGM bought a double CD of Christmas music. He wanted the Bing Crosby and David Bowie "The Little Drummer Boy", so the rest of the day we got to sing along to a startling array of Christmas songs, including "The Chipmunks". The phrase, 'me, I want a hoolahoop' is still twirling around in my head, more than 24 hours later. (anyway, i DON'T want a hoolahoop, not even for amature night.)

Next we went to Baby's R Us. There was no Christmas shopping rush at this store. The tall scary giraffe was walking around in there which just may have been what kept the people away. I know I was terrified. Daughter exchanged the bumper pads, and we were herded out of there by THGGM who was anxiously awaiting furniture shopping. Quite possibly, it was the giraffe that scared him.

Furniture shopping ranks right up there with root canals for me. I don't mind going in if I can buy the first thing I see that I like. THGGM likes to sit on things, lay on things, touch things, put things on layaway, change his mind about things. He thinks this is fun, and necessary. I cannot do this. Daughter found a brightly colored lounge chair and reclined herself and her jumping-bean belly while I kept reminding THGGM that I liked what we had originally put on layaway. But, we went to another furniture store anyway.

At this one, the Black Lincoln started making a loud dragging sound. This happened after we had just passed someone in the same kind of car we REALLY have, but left behind in Chicago because of the nasty weather. As soon as we passed 'our' car, we hit a large lump of snow, and continued to drag it with us down the highway. It sounded as if we were in a snowplow. Apparently, some sort of plastic piece had come lose, and right at the moment that we had given up humility and chosen to pretend that we actually HAD a Black Lincoln and not a black Focus our pretense was shattered, right along with our ear drums.

Shortly after this, we met up with Son-in-law, who was able to remove some of the offensive dragging plastic noise-maker. Although, to do this he had to lay flat out in a snowy cold parking lot, after a day of installing a sign outside in the snowy cold wind. He is a very nice man. He took Daughter with him to buy a real Christmas tree. I'm sure she was happy to be done with us.

THGGM and I went on to finish our errands. The dragging sound continue, as another piece slid down. No longer do we look like cool people driving a Black Lincoln, we look like IDIOTS dragging something under the car that causes people to point and stare. I'm not kidding. People pointed and stared. The sound WAS really bad, but to point and stare is just, well, rude.

After finishing all of the errands, I was finally able to sit down with my "Look-Alikes Christmas" book. And, I also got the "Kids" Martha Stewart magazine which I love. I do hope that besides being robust and healthy, Grandson will love to come to Grandma's house and be creative. This magazine had the coolest 'snow walrus' made from two turkey basters, a blue ornament nose and plastic wire whiskers. I'd make one for myself if I had two turkey basters. Oh, there were also little snowball mice with pastic spoons for ears - but I won't be making those anytime soon.

Speaking of mice...from the time our children were very small, we had a 'mouse' advent calendar to count down to Christmas. The kids took turns moving the mouse each day. We had a 'day to be first' plan. Every third day a different child got to be the first to do things. On your day to be first during advent, you got to move the mouse.

Well, while riding in the car with Daughter yesterday, she had another idea that perhaps I should get that calendar out this year and just add a newly caught mouse to the calendar pocket each day. She's a funny one, that Daughter of mine. I think I'll pass that calendar on to her.

First, I'll have to go fill it for her...

Do you know her? If her names sounds familiar, you will understand how deeply I am struggling.

Small creatures followed her into the afterlife, as she was kind to them on earth.

Let me tell you about "Leonard".

Leonard is a very small mouse who has taken up residency on my kitchen counter. Leonard is a teeny tiny little guy. He is not afraid of me. Well, just enough that he hides behind my toaster, and peeks out at me. Way too often. He has run over many many traps, but isn't big enough to set them off. Leonard should still be in diapers. Obviously, he is not.

Barb, my big and fearless cat who jumps sky high if you say 'hello' to him before he has seen you, is on the prowl for Leonard tonight.

In the past two weeks many of Leonard's relatives have passed on. The exterminator said that I must get TWO large ones to truly get them all. So far, only one has met that criteria.

But, I have not been kind. In my afterlife, should I turn around and see Leonard following me, I'm going to really start to wonder if I'm in the right place.

Sarah Smith of Golder's Green, how DID you do it?

Your cough will never clear up
Put on a happy face
Slather yourself in make-up
Order it by the case
And spray Lysol
All over the place
Just put on a Happy Face!

Pick out a pleasant outfit
Tuck in that double chin
Brush off that full of phlem look
Fasten up your Depends
And keep cough drops
All over the place
Just put on a Happy Face!

You have to go to work now
You have a lot to do
None of it gets put on hold
Just because you've got the flu
So take your cough medicine
Rejoin the human race
And put on a Happy Face!

I wonder what he looks like now? Daughter has blonde hair and one blue eye and one green eye. She is also very fair. Son-in-law has very dark brown hair, brown eyes and is darker complected. The doctor doesn't think that he will be a big baby. Not like his uncles. I pray he is healthy and all goes well!

SEVEN THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE:

1 - Spend three weeks in the fall traveling around Lake Michigan
2 - Get Organized and maintain it
3 - Read "The Brother's Karamazov
4 - Understand The Husband God Gave Me
5 - Be a 'career Grandma'
6 - Became a more understanding person
7 - Write

SEVEN THINGS THAT I CANNOT DO

1 - Cry tears
2 - Line dance (not to save my life)
3 - Get all of the meal done and on the table at the same time
4 - Drive at night (i've no night-time depth perception anymore)
5 - Eat plums
6 - Understand how someone could not believe in God
7 - Dispose of anything of sentimental value

SEVEN THINGS THAT ATTRACT ME TO MY HUSBAND

1 - His boyish good looks
2 - His kind heart
3 - His love for his children
4 - His way of saying "HEY!!!!" when he has an idea
5 - His optimistic outlook (although, sometimes i don't get it)
6 - His bravery when faced with unwelcome wildlife in the house (mice, possums, bats)
7 - His love of God

SEVEN THINGS I SAY MOST OFTEN

1 - Will somebody answer that?
2 - While you're up...
3 - Where are the church keys?
4 - How was your day?
5 - Can you pick up some cat food on your way home?
6 - I don't HAVE any money.
7 - I don't get it.

SEVEN BOOKS I LOVE

1 - The Bible
2 - "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers
3 - "Christy" by Catherine Marshall
4 - "A Bird in the Tree" by Elizabeth Goudge
5 - "Kneeling in Bethlehem" by Ann Weems
6 - "The Great Divorce" by C.S. Lewis
7 - "Anna Karenina" by Leo Tolstoy

SEVEN MOVIES I WATCH AGAIN AND AGAIN

1 - "Shadowlands"
2 - "Dead Poets Society"
3 - "When Harry Met Sally"
4 - "Empire of the Sun"
5 - "You Got Mail"
6 - "Holiday Inn"
7 - "Ground Hogs Day"

SEVEN THINGS TO DO BEFORE I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP

1 - Work
2 - Make Christmas cards
3 - Finish reading "The All New Travels and Adventures of Lidie Newton by Jane Smiley
4 - Decorate tree in bedroom
5 - Write Christmas baking grocery list
6 - Write Christmas letter
7 - Fit table top Christmas tree into cemetery urn

Daughter had a doctor's appointment today.

Today starts her 9th month.

Her due date is January 5.

But, today the doctor told her to be ready, he could come at any time!

Head down, dilated 2 centimeters, all systems are go.

Today is Sunday. I do believe it is the first Sunday that The Husband God Gave Me and I have been apart. Today he flew from St. Louis back to his hotel in Chicago.

On a normal Sunday, I would get up and make coffee. We would sit on our couch, me with my dog at my feet, and him with a cat on his lap. Then, somewhat together we would head over to church and do what still needs doing.

Today, I got up and stumbled around in the bedroom, realizing that I am STILL not well. I thought I made coffee, but realized after I returned from opening church that I hadn't turned it 'ON'. I almost cried. Instead I coughed. I realized that I couldn't go out in public hacking like that, so I sat down to catch up on some reading.

I really miss THGGM. I've been okay with his being out of town. I never thought I would be, but I have managed just fine. Even without a car. But, I've discovered that I've had enough.

The house is nicely decorated, but I don't enjoy it as much alone. I made white chili today, and remembered how he always likes a peanut butter sandwich with his. I never remember that when he is here, but today, I remembered.

And, it's not just because I caught three of those things I'm done posting about and had to have Son-in-law dispose of (and he had the audacity to suggest that i learn how!), nor that I can't find the shovel and we have snow, or even that it's unbelievably cold on my side of the bed and I can't get the storm window down (it appears to be missing, but what do i know?).

It's also not that I'm alone. Youngest Son is here, busily cranking out papers as his semester draws to a close. He appears from time to time to give updates on his progress and to startle me with thoughts he's been having. Daughter and Son-in-law were here for most of the day. Daughter with her feet up, as she very much over did it yesterday. Son-in-law to watch football and reset traps.

It's not even that I've nothing to do. I've plenty to do. This afternoon Daughter and I took some time to paint t-shirts for Grandson. It was fun. They came out even better than we expected. I made one for him that said 'hug me'.

No, it's because I miss HIM. Not what he does for me. And, he does A LOT. I miss how he always tells me about the strange dreams he has and they tend to freak me out. I miss the way he views things, so opposite from how I do (he is an enfp, i am an intj). I miss how he says everything three times. Three times. Three.

I miss how he can just walk into a room and know exactly what needs doing. And how he could fix the star that keeps falling over on top of the Christmas tree, and I would need a chair and still wouldn't be able to get it right.

He should be here. Checking the doors, turning off the lights, tripping over the dog, shoving the cat into the basement, reminding Youngest Son to put his car in the garage, unplugging the Christmas lights. Eating popcorn on the couch with me while I read.

Two years ago, we were busily planning a wedding. I plunked out "Butterfly Kisses" on the piano while he practiced singing for Daughter's wedding. I got SO sick of it I wanted to scream. Now I would do anything to hear him say 'Let's go practice!'.

But, he's not here. And I miss him.

I've seen this one at several different blogs. I tag myself.

HAVE YOU EVER...

Smoked a cigarette? - a few puffs, just last year. you would have too under the circumstances. other than that, no.

Crashed a friends car? - like, on purpose? no. i've been in accidents though.

Stolen a car? - nope. presently, i don't even have a car. but the thought of stealing one still would never cross my mind. anyway, i hate to drive.

Been dumped? - yes. six times. i married him.

shoplifted? - no. but in the 7th grade i was shopping with friends who did. i was appalled and never went anywhere with them again.

Been fired/laid off? - once, when i was 19. i just moved from 1st shift to 2nd, but it was an emotional experience.

Been in a fist fight? - i think i would remember that, so, no.

Snuck out of your parent's home? - not my parent's. but i did sneak out of some else's house and had a wonderful time chatting around the kitchen table with their neighbors who were leaving on vacation. i remember that we ate musk melon. at 3:00 am.

Been arrested? - nope.

Gone on a blind date? - no.

Lied to a friend? - unless answering 'fine' to 'how do i look?' falls under that. then, once or twice i may have.

Skipped school? - yes. but we called it 'selling advertising for the yearbook'.

Seen someone die? - no.

Been to Canada? - many times.

Been to Mexico? - nope.

Eaten sushi? - only the vegetable kind, or so they said.

Met someone in person from the internet? - yes. a picture framer from grand haven. she was very nice.

Taken a painkiller? - yes. for pain. are we not supposed to?

Had a tea party? - yes. with my three-year-old friend. she sets a charming table, but refuses to let me pour.

Cheated while playing a game? - i'm not sure, but i think maybe yes. my old 'scrabble' game had a tile that was darker than all the rest. it was the X. i like X. it's eight points, you know.

Fallen asleep at work? - no.

Used a fake ID? - HA! i'm embarrassed that i am recognized from my id, as it's hard for me to believe that i look like that.

Felt an earthquake? - no.

Touched a snake? - many times. but it isn't a hobby or anything.

Been robbed? - no. or maybe yes, but then i started shopping at thrift stores.

Petted a reindeer/goat? - yes, to both. what a wild life i lead.

Won a contest? - yes. i was the twister champion at 7th grade camp. (i had a strategy if anyone is interested.)

Been suspended from school? - yes, an 'in school' suspension. for not participating in some sort of 'fun' day. as i recall, i nearly lost my life in a canoing accident on the 'fun' day the previous year. i chose to finish my senior paper in the library. they wouldn't count that. what a rebel i was.

Been in a car accident? - a few.

Had braces? - of a sort.

Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night? - no. once my tongue goes numb, i no longer find it enjoyable.

Witnessed a crime? - no. but i did once sit in our car in a grocery store parking lot in traverse city, because THGGM witnessed a shoplifting crime. after working in a grocery store, he knew what to look for, i guess.
(but, really. we were ON VACATION!)

Swam in the ocean? - no. i prefer lake michigan and superior. no salty residue.

Laughed until some kind of liquid came out of your nose? - sadly, yes. coffee. all over my daughter.

Been kissed under mistletoe? - yes. i even have a picture! me and my childhood cat, fred.

Crashed a party? - i rarely go to parties to which i am invited.

Worn pearls? - if pearls look like pop-beads but are expensive and don't snap apart, then , yes. but mostly i decorate with them.

Jumped off a bridge? - a little bridge, into a shallow creek, yes.

Ate dog/cat food? - no. but i see nor smell little difference in some dog stew and dinty moore beef stew, which i like.

Kissed a mirror? - no. but as a church custodian, i'm shocked by how many people DO kiss mirrors.

Glued your hand to something? - no. but i do glue 'something' to my hand every time i use my hot glue gun, which is often enough that i barely have finger prints.

Done a one handed cartwheel? - no.

Talked on the phone for more than six hours? - no.

Didn't take a shower for a week? - no way.

Picked and ate an apple right off a tree? - yes. although i did wash it first.

Been told by a complete stranger that you are hot? - no. but i was once whistled at by a bunch of factory workers hanging out the windows at the old kelvinator refrigerator plant. my youngest son was with me. it was interesting explaining to him why i wouldn't wave.

Sometimes I feel as if I have had no long lasting impact upon this world. But, this morning, as I returned home from working, and sat drinking my second cup of coffee a thought came to me. Possibly, my magnum opus.

I shall have a movie made of my life! Because my life is so exciting, you may ask? NO! Because it is dull, boring and insanely repetative.

Then why make a movie of it? Because, if played for the eight hours when insomniacs should be sleeping, it will put them to sleep! Really, it would.

At least this week's movie would.

Yesterday was the first time I left the house since our St. Nicholas party a week ago today. That is because I've been sick. Just a movie about yesterday could make a 240 pound male sleep for a solid eight hours.

I went to lunch and to Wal-mart with Daughter. Both of us became extremely claustrophobic in Wal-mart, and it wasn't even busy. I was so worn out I sat on the couch for hours looking at pictures in Christmas magazines and coughing.

Then, I went to work. I took three people with me, so that I could get three times the work done. These people are not sick, although one is 9 months pregnant. They are not boring, so don't focus on them in MY movie.

My workers and I had pizza together. One worker went 'out'. One worker watched the Pistons. One worker watched a baby jump inside her. This worker coughed, and looked at pictures in Christmas magazines.

The Pistons game ended and two of my workers went home, the Piston watcher, and the jumping baby watcher.

The other worker, the one who went 'out' called at 2:00 am to tell me that he did not take the garage door opener and could I please let him in. I know I did not get out of bed, so I am not sure what transpired, but I do hear him walking around upstairs, so somehow, he got in. At least I hope it's him. If not, maybe the movie won't be as boring as I think.

Although, those 'info' videos that doctor's offices play in waiting rooms around the world are maybe just a smidge more boring than my life. A smidge. More boring.

But, probably not.

Now, where's my magazine?..

Of course, no one believes that. But, I did just get a big one. And, with my BARE FOOT, no less.

Well, my foot was bare, but apparently a very large - and I mean VERY large mouse was under the rug that my coffee table sits on in the living room.

I walked to the couch to sit next to the The Husband God Gave Me and heard AND felt a funny crunching sound.

I will NEVER forget the sound, nor the sensation.

But of course, I could not believe it, and flipped back the rug to see. I jumped and screamed in horror.

THGGM didn't even flinch, nor spill a drop of coffee from his cup.

His only comment was "Is it dead?"

Is it dead?!?!

Is the pope Catholic? If Kate Moss had stepped on it, it might have had a chance. But not with me. No. Not with me.

He buried him at sea.

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And, if you know Oldest Son, please send him an e-mail wishing him a "HAPPY IT SHOULD BE YOUR BIRTHDAY TODAY". His actual birth didn't happen until the 12th. He should be 25. But alas, he is still only 24 today.

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(and a side note - i failed to separate 'living room'. spell check suggested that i might have meant 'lebenstraum' lebenstraum? ah, yes, i'm always confusing my living room with my lebenstraum.)