What I did today...

Some people have really exciting lives, or so I am told. So far, I do not, but that is just fine with me. I am not searching for excitement.

These are the things I AM searching for, or at least am searching to understand them...

Dementia. I do not want my mother to forget me. Just the thought that someday she might, is horrifying to me. I once wrote an obituary for a classroom hamster that died on my watch, because I felt it's life had some meaning, and I did not want to forget her. I can't imagine forgetting one of my children. I once forgot one at school, but they didn't notice.

Prophecy. I want to understand it. At least I think I do. I've always worried that I would arrive in Heaven and not know what was going to happen next. Someone would lean over to the confused me and say 'didn't you read the Book?'.

Why love hurts. It seems as if it shouldn't. But it does. Why?

Those very detailed dreams, full of scenes and people, and complicated plots. I couldn't come up with them when I am awake, how do I pull it off when I am asleep? I have places in dreams that I return to over and over again. Why? Especially the office building in a downtown that has airplanes that land on an escalator. I'm always waiting in a doctor's office waiting room that has really bad magazines. Oh, and I forget where I parked, but I can't ask for help, as I don't know what kind of car I drive (this has been true in my awake life - i only knew that my car was blue). Also, there is a baby in a hospital nursery which I go to see when I am in that particular dream spot.

Today I went to Walmart and bought new underpants - 7 pair. And new socks - 6 pair. I went thrift shopping too, but didn't buy a thing. It was 'loud stupid people day' at the thrift store. Why is it that the lower the IQ, the higher the decibel level? I almost asked them, a mother and daughter, if they were aware of how loud they were talking. But, secretly, I think they were well aware, but just thought we were all interested in what they had to say to each other. Actually, I was.

Why is it that I wait until really late to take off my makeup? The water on my face wakes me up, which keeps me up even later. Tonight I think I will read something funny, as I can feel myself becoming depressed. Depression starts for me as a feeling of having itchy blood running through my veins. It is hard to scratch ones blood.