Have you ever noticed that their are people who are treated as if they do not matter? These are the people who in our lives we treat as extras in a movie. To quote Jerry Seinfeld (who wanted movie subtitles to clue us in), we say of them - "pay no attention to this man, he's only in this one scene".
But aren't they just as alive as we are? Don't they have feelings, dreams and plans just like us? Is it a sign of how we tend to gravitate toward people that benefit us? I hope not. But I fear it is so.
I've been this person to some degree at different times in my life. I listened to a woman at my first job go on and on about how horribly gross Dutch people are, listing specifics. Hmmm, I thought as a seventeen year old. Even then I was cynical, and the horrible things she spouted off about Dutch people didn't even come near to some of the horrible things I happened to know about them, being one. But, I held my tongue, as I was only seventeen and she was my elder (and having been raised by wonderful Dutch parents, I knew better than she). But, apparently it didn't matter to her who was in ear shot. And I learned that not everything someone says is true.
I was this person again when invited by a friend to spend time with her at the hospital. She had a child who was seriously ill. We were acquaintances, not good friends. I was delighted to be invited. But when I got there, I learned just why I was her choice. She hadn't showered in days, nor bleached her mustache. She told me she didn't want her friends to see her like that. Oh. I got it. I must be gross enough to be worked in in a pinch. THGGM denies this vehemently, and claims that she could sense that I was a 'real' person. He brought up the 'skin horse' in the book "The Velveteen Rabbit", but even though I love that book and totally agree with it's point, being compared to a horse when you are already feeling pretty low didn't bring me much comfort.
Every year around graduation time, I'm reminded of a favorite C.S. Lewis address that he gave at a college graduation. It's entitled "The Inner Ring". It helped me to put into perspective how as people we are all trying to belong. All of us. And when we think we have arrived, we just may find out that we haven't.
Do we ever achieve this sense of belonging that we all so passionately try to find? Does it only 'feel' right if there are those who then CAN'T belong? How sad. How frighteningly sad.
I'm going to name it the 'sin of exclusion'. And, I'm going to repent of it. Everyone matters. Even the least of us.
"He drew a circle that shut me out -
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win,
We drew a circle that took him in."
Edwin Markham
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6 comments:
Although I have been the "IN" and the "OUT" person numerous times throughout my life, It was made so clear one day while I was listening to someone I was taking a class with about 15 years ago. He had been taking a night class and lamenting the point that no one paid any attention to him. No one but the people he wouldnn't give the time of day to. Hmmmm!
This reminds me of something that happened to my daughter in the 4th grade. She was NOT invited to a party for one of her Sunday School classmates, but all the other girls were. She would not have known this, except that the girl's mother told both of us in front of all the other girls that there just wasn't going to be enough space to invite her.
If she hadn't said anything, we never would have known, or even cared! But knowing that you are the only one not being invited was just weird.
I remember telling my daughter that I didn't think that was a very nice thing to do. She looked so hurt. We just talked about doing our best not to do that to anyone, because it would hurt their feelings too.
I hope we've done okay with that.
one of the only times i feel/felt this exclustion you speak of, is in your posts. there are numerous times where i have been a part of the story being told, but have been conveniently left out of the retelling. that really gets my dander up!
Youngest Son, if I have left you out, it is only because of your intense love of every single detail being portrayed with extreme and unfailing accuracy, and the simple fact that you point it out to me every time I'm not up to those standards. My memory isn't what it used to be (you're the blonde boy, aren't you?).
This is a great post. I've seen lots of both sides of the coin--people who leave out others and people who are left out. It is a nasty sin to exclude other. It is also a nasty sin not to forgive those who exclude you. I am guilty of both, unfortunately.
Great post Judy and so very very true. Often people miss very wonderful friendships because of their perceptions of others...
But it is not easy to be open and friendly with those who are more or less "street people" either. Our fear of what they may do or expect can also keep us from reaching out as we should!
And as we age, more and more we will be ones perhaps "left out" in our more and more youth conscious society! And I fear being a burden or perceived as one...our day fast approaches there!
Elizabeth
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