She Suffered From Severe Weirdness, Which In the End, Took Her

Oh, I hate to admit it, but I am very very busy today. I dislike being too busy.



Yet. I took the time to read the obituaries.



In the past, I have done this in a very obsessive compulsive manner. Now, I read them on line at Mlive.com.



But unless one's obituary appears in the paper on Sunday or Wednesday I won't know about it. Please, if you plan to die on a different day, could you let me know?



So today, my busy Friday, while I wait for machines to come to their conclusions, I am perusing the Sunday and Wednesday obituaries. Not necessarily this past Sunday or Wednesday's either.



This is a note to my family.



PLEASE do not list whatever pets I have at the time of my demise as survivors. I find that weird. One has to PAY for every word. When I would put a section of paper under any pet I've ever had, they did not pause to READ it anyway. They used it for other things.



Also, if sometime before I die I were, let's say to finally do something wonderful, PLEASE do not list it. I'm not planning to do anything wonderful, but IF I were to, I would not want the world to know about it. Let's let it be our little secret.



Please list my grandchildren by name, and my great grandchildren also. I'll start a little fund to pay for it. But, if THGGM dips into that fund before I die (would it be too much to hope we will be beyond pop can returns by then?) it could be included as 'in lieu of flowers'. Although, I do like flowers, rather much.



Now, were your father to go before me, and I do not show up to the funeral it is not because I have a migraine or am to agoraphobic to attend. It is because I ran out of gas. Could someone come get me before the final hymn is sung? I'd want to see him one last time, laying down while not snoring.



Before the lid is shut upon me, could someone grab a scissors and cut that perfectly good lining out of my casket? I won't be needing it, and it is GOOD material (unless, of course, you skimped on the casket, which is fine and in which case you can ignore this.) There are many useful things one could do with that fabric. Putting it in the ground would just ruin it. I have some tea set aside with which to dye it.



And now, my last request in THIS post (i do so plan to update this.) is, if I die of something really gross, let's just keep that between us too. Don't put it in the obituary. No one needs to know.