For One Month

I have been 50 for one month now. I seem to be getting pretty good at it.

For those not yet 50, here are a few things you can do to get prepared so that you, too, can be good at it when 50 comes for you.

For the nightstand: Rolaides. These are necessary for those nights you think that you can still eat pizza after 8 pm. You can't.

For the bathroom: Clothesline. Clothesline is the dental floss of age 50.

For the medicine cabinet: Extra strength pain reliever and a small child to remove the child-proof cover, since wrists will no longer be able to twist until AFTER the pain reliever takes effect.

For the kitchen: Coffee. I didn't start drinking coffee until age 40. Now I'm looking for it in a patch, so I can slap one on before I get out of bed.

For the spice drawer: Pepper. Suddenly pepper seems necessary in everything.

For your purse: An extra pair of underwear. Don't ask me why, but you will thank me later. My mom, even after her mind gave out, had only one thing in her purse. Clean underwear. Really. Sour looking older ladies are probably really funny old ladies who thought they had to give up laughing, when really, they just needed this bit of advice.

For the car: I don't have a car. So, don't let anyone talk you into getting rid of yours. THGGM sold my car to Youngest Son many years ago, saying that I could drive him to work on days I needed the car. That very week he was transferred to another city. He's back now, but with gas prices as they are it would have been cheaper if I had driven him to work THEN in another town than it would be to drive him to work NOW where he is . All that to say...keep maps of all the major medical offices on hand. If you are 50 there is a good chance that your parents are 70 or older. They will need you to drive them places. A LOT. A lot of places and a lot of times.

For your entertainment: Grandchildren. Try to get at least two. If you only have one, you will think it is a piece of cake. It isn't. It's much better than a piece of cake. Also get a box of crayons and small paper plates. One grandchild will be delighted to scribble on the plates, while the other one learns ten new and exciting ways previously unthought of to make grandma gasp in fright.

For your sanity: I haven't learned quite yet how to retain the scattered bits of sanity that I may still possess. I'm rather sure it envolves not taking onesself too seriously.

For your peace of mind: Be grateful for what you have. Be grateful for what you don't have. Just be grateful.