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Here you will find scattered pictures from my point and shoot camera, random thoughts from my little world, treasured memories of days gone by, hopeful dreams of the days yet to come, and a bunch of ideas - because I've always got ideas!

Friday, September 04, 2009

Two Weeks Ago

I'm having a difficult time believing that it has already been two weeks since my dad died.
There are still boxes of pictures spread across my dining room.
Boxes of manila envelopes of documents to sort.
Thank-you cards to write.

Today I managed to look at this picture.
It's of my dad (the one on the right) and his friend Amos with a train they made for the play ground at a local school for children with special needs. The year is 1967.
My niece's mother-in-law presently works at this school, and says that the train is still in use.
The article on the left (click to enlarge) is something that one of the volunteers at the nursing home where my mom lives gave to my dad. She said that when she read it, it immediately reminded her of him. No one entered my dad's house this year without being given this to read. My dad's oldest granddaughter read it at the funeral.
I'm not sure how deeply I want to think about where I am in the grieving process. It would seem that I did most of my grieving early in July, when it just seemed to me that all the bits and pieces of information that I had picked up over the years of going to doctor's appointments with my dad started falling into their 'last places'. I can barely remember August.
Mostly, I'm just extremely grateful that I had so much time with my dad. If you are familiar with the Meyers/Briggs personality types, my dad was an ISTJ. Of course, he never actually took the test, but my resourceful mom just started asking him the questions at random moments. Not that it would take a PhD. to figure that out. My dad was the guy who was always "Doing what needs to be done."
This shows up most when I enter his house. He went back into the hospital on July 24th. He was still recovering from a hospital stay. Visiting nurses and therapists were coming to his home. Yet, he was on his own for all non-medical things. His bed was made. His dishes were done. He prepared his own meals. His floors were vacuumed.
This has not been the case over here in MY world. My bed is not made. My dishes do happen to be done, but I rely on May Tag for that. I have not cooked anything since - hmmm - my guess would be - Father's Day?. We will not be talking about my floors. I'm an INTJ and although I crave order I think I could be described as someone who has a pretty good idea of what should be done, but keeps tripping over things of greater interest than beds, dishes, meals and floors.
Today was my first day home with only minimal responsibilities. I slept until 8:15 (i sooo miss that 8:10 call), took my coffee, kitty (who is now flea-free) and a stack of magazines onto my back porch and listened to the quiet. There is a school down the street, so the quiet will be over by Tuesday morning. Daughter came for lunch. I watched the noon news (recorded) and promptly fell asleep. I still don't feel awake, yet.
I'm glad I have Jonge, Famke and Kado to keep me entertained. They do THAT job very well!


Pat said...

I know just what you are saying. How precious a man your dad was, what memories to cherish. My Mom passed away almost 2 years ago now. I still have a hard time realizing that that much time has gone by.
Enjoying those grands is the greatest gift of all. You are blessed, and the floors can wait...mine have been waiting for a long time!

Jacquelyn said...

I absolutely LOVE the way you write! I feel like I've known you forever (you poor thing!) That train is AWESOME! Your dad and my dad would have gotten along famously...come to think of it, not knowing exactly how things are organized in heaven, perhaps they have met now. My dad left us Mar. 27 08. He worked for the B&O which became part of the Chessie System, for 39 yrs. Am I imagining or did you once say your dad did too???

Karen said...

My mom passed away 9 years ago and I think of her everyday. Time does heal. I remember shortly after she died, I asked my aunt, will I ever get used to her not being here? She replied, you won't every get used to it, but you do learn to live with it.

It takes time. Thankfully, my kids were very young and kept me so busy, just as your grandchildren do. I didn't miss her less, but they gave me such joy and so many reasons to be happy.

The article brought tears to my eyes. Your dad was a good man.

Echoes From the Hill said...

That article about your dad going to see your mom for breakfast made me cry. I lost my mom this year, to Alzheimer's so I know what he meant about "her not knowing him, but he still knew her".
He was a special man.

The Queen of Fifty Cents said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Grieving is a roller coaster ride--you start feeling better and then it swoops back down again. But our memories are precious things.