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Here you will find scattered pictures from my point and shoot camera, random thoughts from my little world, treasured memories of days gone by, hopeful dreams of the days yet to come, and a bunch of ideas - because I've always got ideas!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Missing Dad

Everything seems so different in the world I live in.

It never seemed to me that I was doing all that much for my dad, but now that I'm not doing ANYTHING at all for or with him, it's left a large gaping hole in what had been 51 years filled with dad.

So far, only once did I catch myself just as I was about to say to THGGM, "Do you want me to call him?". THGGM was trying to pin down the date of an accident my dad had that did some damage to his car. In filing the report with my dad's insurance agent, they asked if he knew the date it happened. I knew my dad would have remembered the date, but I could only get close, which is when I caught myself sucking in the breath to ask if he wanted me to call him.

Now I go to the nursing home to see my mom painfully aware that I am going alone. When we would ride out together, I always drove. I'd take those times to ask my dad questions about stuff along the way, just so I could rest assured that his vision okay.

One thing I would occasionally notice on those rides was a hawk flying overhead or perched on a telephone pole along the highway. I'd ask my dad if he could see it. Repeatedly I would comment on how I'd like to see one up close. (I tend to repeat the same things over and over and over. See? Like I just did!)

Last month when I turned into the parking lot at the nursing home, a hawk flew right beside the car. It landed in the crab apple tree just outside the main door to the home. The only available parking spot at the time faced right into that tree, and the hawk stayed on the lowest branch, right at my eye level. Even when I got out of the car and shut the door it did not move. I was able to get a really good look at it. Then, it flew away.

Just like my dad.





4 comments:

MissKris said...

I can feel your heartache from here, Judy. It will get better. (((((HUG)))))

Karen said...

There's such a hollowness to our lives when we lose a parent. My heart goes out to you, Judy. The story of the hawk made me fill up. I hope I'm not being presumptuous in saying that your dad is still there for you.

Evan said...

I just updated my blog with a post about grandpa.

Pat said...

I know what you are feeling. This week will be 2 years since my mom passed, and like you...I expected the phone to ring with her on the other end. It took a long time to get past that.
It's a different world when our parents pass....a time of contemplation for sure.