Summer Camp for Grandmas

I always loved going to camp in the summer.

When I was growing up, my church joined together with three other churches for summer camp at a lovely camp ground outside of Jackson, Michigan. I loved it. All of it. The lake, the creek, the craft cabin, the games, the songs, seeing the same friends year after year.

I think I need that.

I want to go to "Grandma Camp".

And while at Grandma Camp this is what I would want to do...

Get up at 7:00. I like to get up at seven. The great outdoors smells it's best a seven.

Flag pole. Yes. I always loved flag pool and the goofy exercises that ensued there. Prayer time at the flag pole to give thanks to God for the lovely weather, whether or not it seems lovely to the camper. Good training, that.

Breakfast. Oatmeal. Oatmeal is best when someone else has to clean the pan

Cabin Clean-up. Knowing that you are about to be judged on all matters of neatness and order. What a great way to start the day

Activities! Oh, the activities I want to participate in!

Grandma Arts - Creating art from our grandchild's handiwork or photographs

Grandma Crafts - Making things out of our grandchildren's handprints, tips on embossing finger and nose prints permanently onto windows and mirrors

Grandma Games - Spin the baby. Kiss him before he spits up

Grandma Sports - Lessons in understanding the rules of sports that you didn't understand when your played them, nor when your children played them...

Grandma exercises - How to sleep sitting up holding a baby without dropping him even though your arms are both numb

Grandma Song Time - How to change the lyrics to all your favorite tunes so they center around the grandchild's name

Lunch - Lunch for grandmas will consist of peanut butter and honey on whole wheat toast. Carrots and cheetos (so you can practice fooling the grandchildren that carrots are actually just harder less flavorful cheetos) and apple sauce. Cold milk is served in a sippy cup, just because ALL cups should be sippy cups

Grandma Reading Time - The camp library will be well stocked with books and magazines for our reading enjoyment. Special attention by the staff will be given to grandmas who need help with doing 'voices' of popular children's book characters

Grandma Nap Time - This just naturally follows grandma reading time. Staff will be on hand to gently remove book from grandma's hands, remove her glasses and cover her with a quilt

Grandma Coffe Time - For those grandmas who are still asleep, staff will main-line coffee

Grandma Shopping Excursion - This is the only trip off-site. Pile into yellow bus to travel to local thrift stores. Staff will express-ship your packages home so campers may still win cabin clean-up

Dinner. After the day's activities, Grandma will be to tired to eat. Cans of Slim-fast will be passed out to those who still have the energy to swallow.

Inspirational Speaker Time - A different speaker every night, but with the same timely message that since your grandchild was born, other children who are equally cute, smart and interesting have also been born. There will be time given for repentance of forgetting this

Second Chance for Dinner - Soup/Salad bar

Grandma Campfire - Grandma campers will sit around campfire and recount stories of their own grandmas. Every grandma worth her salt will continue to honor and respect those who came before her

Lights Out - 11:00. Mini-reading lamps are allowed

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No cell-phones may be brought to camp. If you, or someone in your family dies, camp staff will contact your family.

Camp nurse is on staff