The Birthday Celebration That Wasn't

Yesterday was THGGM's birthday! I had asked him earlier in the week what he would like to do on that day, and he replied that a leisurely back-roads drive to the Lake Michigan shore sounded like a good birthday to him. So we made our plans accordingly, being sure to include a late lunch on a warm sunny deck at one of our favorite restaurants.  

Since it hadn't been a good week for me health-wise, I planned early to do everything I possibly could to be sure this birthday celebration would happen. The last two or so years have been especially brutal for me, not something that is at all pleasant to share with the world, even the rather small one I personally inhabit. 

All day Friday things were going well. The hardest decision I had to make was wondering if it would be cooler along the shore, or should I dress a bit warmer? I decided to grab a sweatshirt just to be sure. 

The car was loaded with all the necessities; purse, cellphone, telephoto lens, sunglasses, sweatshirt. THGGM added everything he needed, which consisted of himself and whatever was already on him. He turned on the radio, opened the sunroof, and off we went into the wild blue yonder.

Along what is our familiar route we discussed how it was opening day of bow season, commented on the dead deer along the route, noticed the changing leaves, and thought out our menu choices. This was likely what every conversation has been on THGGM's birthday since he could drive and we started going out for his birthday. Normally, most of what we do is predictable in its unpredictability. 

We'd both known before we even left the house what we wanted to have to eat. I'm the least likely to vary my choice, and THGGM had pointed out that he certainly didn't want any of mine. All I could think was what caused him to think I had any intention of sharing mine?  As I thought about it, my choice no longer sounded good to me. I found that surprising. As we drove a bit farther I thought maybe I should mention that, because it was quite out of character for me and he just might find that as odd as I did. But for some reason, I just couldn't find the words.

About the time that thought developed, a shining neon rippled light tore across my field of vision horizontally. All I could manage to eke out was "I have a migraine". 

Now, until Tuesday of this same week, I hadn't had a severe migraine in several years. In fact, they have been manageable to the point that I no longer have medication for them. But on Tuesday I had been surprised by a severe one that took a few days to clear away. I thought it must have been a fluke.  How could something that had been gone for years suddenly return like that?

THGGM asked what I wanted to do, and I couldn't put together a sane answer. There was such an enormous difference between what I wanted to do, and what I knew needed to be done. So, he rephrased it to "Do you need to go home?" and I was able to say yes. 

He turned the car around while I held my head in my hands. There are so many weird things about a severe migraine, but one I had forgotten was how the moving lights do not stop when you close your eyes. It feels similar to riding a roller coaster with the added horror of being shot in the head repeatedly at close range with a semi-automatic rifle. Only with a rifle at close range my guess would  be the first shot would take you out. A worse horror is being well aware you continue to live and death is most likely not coming. 

I will not go into detail about everything that happened from the time THGGM turned the car around until I arrived home. But I did spend some time stopped along the side of the road leaning out the car door while THGGM rubbed my back and told me it was going to be okay. Oh, how I wanted to believe that. Once we hit five lanes of traffic pulling to the side of the road, or kindly rubbing my back was no longer an option. Only one short mile from home, I became thankful that I had thought to grab my sweatshirt.

So, THGGM did not get to have his lovely day driving along back roads, lunching an a deck, beach time, and a beautiful Lake Michigan sunset. He got to go directly home, settle me in, and wash my sweatshirt.

And that, is love.