I Remember Grandma

I have some interesting memories of my Grandma, who was born in 1904. Although one story in particular stands out as my favorite.

My mother took her elderly mother to a doctor's appointment. In the waiting room, they met a friend of Grandma's. This friend had a sad life, and was dealing with the devastating effects of terminal cancer. When this woman inquired after Grandma's health, Grandma replied "You don't know pain, until you've had an ingrown toenail!". My mother wished for magical powers to fly away, but none came.

Grandma was a small woman who never managed to get beyond five feet. She always had a Boston Terrier. I once kissed one of her dogs on the top of his nose. The top of the nose of a Boston Terrier is truly the only kissable part. He bit me. Grandma thought it was my fault for kissing him.

In 1927, Grandma gave birth to twins. She never got over this. From then on, her life was divided into two distinct parts, before the twins and after the twins. Two years later, she had a third daughter. The children grew up during the depression, and never realized they were poor. Grandpa worked for Butternut bread, and never went without work, or without bread for his family. Every Friday night Grandma had a neighborhood family over. She served roast.

When I went to Grandma's house, it always smelled like strong coffee and Windmill cookies. Grandma wasn't Dutch, but she did make a few concessions for Grandpa, who was.

Next-door to Grandma lived a family with a lot of children. One of the girls was named Patty. Patty was the first mentally retarded person I ever met. I didn't know she was retarded, she was just Patty. Grandma said that Patty wouldn't grow up like other children. She made it sound cool, like Peter Pan.

Every year, Grandma and Grandpa hosted a bunch of kids from an orphanage in North Carolina. I was always so jealous. These kids actually got to stay in the upstairs bedrooms (their house was huge) and if they broke stuff, they did not get yelled at. Grandma had a kitchen trivet with the name of the orphanage and a picture of some of the children on it. It bothered me that she set hot pans on their faces. To this day, I could not set a hot pan on the face of a loved one.

Grandma had a friend named Effie. Since Grandma and Grandpa didn't have a car, one phone call and Effie appeared with her Checker car. Grandma insisted that Effie loved to drive her around, although some of the family had their doubts.

Grandma had a sister named Bea, who was nine years younger. When together, their conversation was always sprinkled with phrases such as "This was before YOU were born, Bea." and "This was AFTER you moved out, Viv". Sibling rivalry is not a new concept.

Grandma had a dream of being class president of her Sunday School class. She always referred to her classmates as "The Girls". How shocked I was to find out that the girls were all blue haired old ladies. I don't recall her ever being elected class president, but I do remember there being tears when she was not. Even then, I could not understand why anyone would want to be president of anything. Upon Grandma's death, I was given a box of luncheon dishes, which "The Girls" had used when it was Grandma's turn to host. Last year, I had 26 women for breakfast at my house. Grandma would have loved it. I got a headache.

My mother remembers Grandma almost dying from meningitis. Later, she developed diabetes. I have inherited that from her, along with a library table that sits in a place of honor in my entryway. I enjoy the library table so much more than the diabetes.

Grandpa suffered from schizophrenia. Once, in a terrible moment, he tried to strangle Grandma with the telephone cord. In his ill mind, by doing this he would save her from hell. While she tried to fight him off, his faithful Boston Terrier repeatedly bit her. Grandpa recovered, because along with some good medicine, Grandma loved him back to health.

Grandma had a weird sense of fun. Once, her and her sister-in-law went to the cemetery to visit my great aunts headstone. She wasn't yet dead, just wanted to see how it looked. While there, Grandma had her purse snatched. She didn't let go and was dragged until the purse strap broke. All those cuts and bruises for a few measly dollars.

Grandma has been gone for twenty years now. Yet, in my memory, she is still right here.

I love to tell the "You don't know pain until you've had an ingrown toenail!" story. It makes me laugh every time. My mom is rapidly turning into her mother, and I'm sure that I will follow. But for all of the hard things we are called to endure, I hope someone remembers me, and laughs.

(with a few changes, this is a story i entered in a blog contest. i didn't win, which is fine with me, as i like to win contests about as much as i like to be president of things. but, a strange thing happened on the day i entered this. a boston terrier ran up to me in my parking lot. i've lived here 7 years, and have never seen a boston terrier here. i was tempted to kiss it on it's nose...but then, i remembered grandma. and, even harder to believe, the very next week, i developed an ingrown toenail. i am 47 years old, and have never had one before. so, i do believe that grandma also remembers me!)