Things Like This Are Always Happening to Me

Last night I spent a leisurely evening alone sitting in front of the tv watching my favorite shows on PBS. Ahh. It felt so good. So bone-numbingly boring good. Just me, my air-conditioner, a stack of magazines, Oldest Son's laptop, my faithful dog and - cat? Where is my kitty, I wonder?

I called for him, and he didn't come. He ALWAYS comes when I call him. I thought that perhaps I had locked him out in the backyard. I opened the back door and called him. He didn't come.

I called him in my best 'it's time to eat' voice, and still, no kitty. I checked upstairs. No kitty there, either.

This led me to wander through the house, listening intently for his voice. What? Is that a faint meow I hear? As I approached the sound, I noticed a horrible odor.

Now, you must understand that noticing a horrible odor isn't all that unusual in the area I live, which is rather close to a sewage treatment plant which tends to pour forth disgusting odors into the night air quite frequently on warm, humid summer evenings.

Oh, were it only THAT simple. As I followed the faint meows, the smell increased.

Approaching my front entry area, I noticed a sad cat face pressed against the french door. I also could tell before opening the door exactly where that odor was coming from.

Poor kitty. He must have followed me out when I lock the front door, and had become trapped in the entry. He also must have had a terrible stomach ache. TERRIBLE. Unable to reach his litter in the basement, kitty was left with no choice.

I quickly cleaned up the mess. But had you thought that would be the end of this boring story, you are wrong, my friend.

Kitty had a new appendage, wagging from his behind. Instantly I thought of one of my favorite authors, Fannie Flagg, as my kitty definitely had one of those. Not an author, but a 'fanny flag'.

Now, were The Husband God Gave Me at home, he would have known exactly what to do. He once extracted several feet of thread from another kitty of ours. He did this by simple stepping on the exposed thread as the kitty ran down the steps. Imagine sort of a full body 'cat floss'. But, THGGM was not here. I had to be brave, and act alone.

Quickly, the kitty who was at first so happy to see me, didn't relish having a mad woman with a wad of papertowel in a plastic grocery bag chasing him around. Let's say that he waved his 'fanny flag' with great pomp at his circumstance.

By closing doors, I was finally able to corner him. I'm sure he also realized that it was after dark, and time for the putting away of the flag. I was able to grab the flag as it flew by. I disposed of it with little ceremony.

Kitty took a long bath, while I sat staring into space, again left to wonder 'why me?'.

(note to THGGM - the grass in the backyard needs to be mowed)