What's Up with Me?

Now remember, I do not think that I am very interesting. One of the purposes of my on line journal is to keep me ever aware of the fact that I am boring. I am. I own that.

This morning, I wrote a very provocative post, and lost my connection - and my post. I can't be provocative when I am angry. Maybe it will come back to me, but, I highly doubt it.

I also wrote about a scary car incident that happened with Daughter driving. I cannot relive that at the moment. It too, is gone.

So, this is what I've got.

I'm spray painting things black. Black is my mood lately.

I'm tossing books from the church library. Church libraries (at least mine) contain a plethora of books that no one wanted at home, so they donated them. But, I did get some great videos and DVD's donated. The month AFTER I eliminated all videos from the library. Just two years ago I removed a book for teen boys that actually stated that masterbation can cause blindness. No one had ever checked this book out. Now I wish I had kept it. I could have put it in the blind section.

I'm freakishly confused and upset lately. Is this the result of being a woman in her 40's? Or, as my family can attest, am I just realizing that I am ALWAYS freakishly confused and upset?

Surrounded by hundreds (i kid you not) of magazines, I want to look at magazines, but not these. I want to look at a magazine that hasn't been created yet. And I want it now.

I'd like to finish something. Accomplish something. Anything.

I'm off to make cookies. Chocolate chip cookies with 1/4 cup of malted milk stirred into the batter. Yum. These are good.

Or, maybe I'll just sit here and ponder my life.

Although, that would be best to do with a new magazine and a chocolate chip cookie.

Yes. Yes, it would.