Today.

Today is Sunday. I do believe it is the first Sunday that The Husband God Gave Me and I have been apart. Today he flew from St. Louis back to his hotel in Chicago.

On a normal Sunday, I would get up and make coffee. We would sit on our couch, me with my dog at my feet, and him with a cat on his lap. Then, somewhat together we would head over to church and do what still needs doing.

Today, I got up and stumbled around in the bedroom, realizing that I am STILL not well. I thought I made coffee, but realized after I returned from opening church that I hadn't turned it 'ON'. I almost cried. Instead I coughed. I realized that I couldn't go out in public hacking like that, so I sat down to catch up on some reading.

I really miss THGGM. I've been okay with his being out of town. I never thought I would be, but I have managed just fine. Even without a car. But, I've discovered that I've had enough.

The house is nicely decorated, but I don't enjoy it as much alone. I made white chili today, and remembered how he always likes a peanut butter sandwich with his. I never remember that when he is here, but today, I remembered.

And, it's not just because I caught three of those things I'm done posting about and had to have Son-in-law dispose of (and he had the audacity to suggest that i learn how!), nor that I can't find the shovel and we have snow, or even that it's unbelievably cold on my side of the bed and I can't get the storm window down (it appears to be missing, but what do i know?).

It's also not that I'm alone. Youngest Son is here, busily cranking out papers as his semester draws to a close. He appears from time to time to give updates on his progress and to startle me with thoughts he's been having. Daughter and Son-in-law were here for most of the day. Daughter with her feet up, as she very much over did it yesterday. Son-in-law to watch football and reset traps.

It's not even that I've nothing to do. I've plenty to do. This afternoon Daughter and I took some time to paint t-shirts for Grandson. It was fun. They came out even better than we expected. I made one for him that said 'hug me'.

No, it's because I miss HIM. Not what he does for me. And, he does A LOT. I miss how he always tells me about the strange dreams he has and they tend to freak me out. I miss the way he views things, so opposite from how I do (he is an enfp, i am an intj). I miss how he says everything three times. Three times. Three.

I miss how he can just walk into a room and know exactly what needs doing. And how he could fix the star that keeps falling over on top of the Christmas tree, and I would need a chair and still wouldn't be able to get it right.

He should be here. Checking the doors, turning off the lights, tripping over the dog, shoving the cat into the basement, reminding Youngest Son to put his car in the garage, unplugging the Christmas lights. Eating popcorn on the couch with me while I read.

Two years ago, we were busily planning a wedding. I plunked out "Butterfly Kisses" on the piano while he practiced singing for Daughter's wedding. I got SO sick of it I wanted to scream. Now I would do anything to hear him say 'Let's go practice!'.

But, he's not here. And I miss him.