Random Thoughts

Sometimes I wonder just how close I am to joining my mom in her world of dementia. It's getting harder and harder for me to compose a meaningful thought.

Tonight is St. Nicholas eve. THGGM and I munched on Steenstra's Almond St. Claus cookies. I only had a few. The box is empty. I'm feeling 'wantsy' for a pair of little boy Dutch shoes I saw at an antiques mall a few weeks ago.

I miss the pair of ice skates I used to hang from the fireplace. Last Christmas my cat threw up on them. I washed them up nicely, and then realized that it was on the laces. Unlacing the old skates was a daunting task at the time, so I threw them away. That reminds me. I need to keep ribbons and raffia away from my cat.

Famke is a happy little girl. She does like to be held. I am finding that there are many things that I can do with just one hand free. Today I played one handed piano while she cooed to the music.

We all must be careful what we say around Jonge. I happened to announce a particular 'owwie' that I have. He passed this tidbit of information on to his mommy, who laughed. This laughter he found encouraging, and spent about an hour saying 'Beppe has a owwie ____'

While Famke and I sang around the piano, Jonge played with the old Fisher Price people. He found a helicopter and a tractor. I LOVE it that he makes all of the correct 'boy toy' noises. He also sat a family around a little table to eat. Truly, he entertains himself very well. And, me too. Famke enjoys his finger puppets show. Those scare me a bit, as the finger puppets get awfully close to her face.

Of course, we played with the great set of blocks his daddy made me for Christmas last year. That's all I want for Christmas this year, too. I need some bigger ones to use for roads. My wants are so simple.

All day I thought of all the things I would get accomplished tonight. My plan included making dinner, decorating the basement trees, making chocolate star cookies and working in my art room downstairs. What I actually DID was eat fast food, did some laundry, watched something on TV - I cannot even remember what, and read some more about dementia.

I'm two years past due for carpel tunnel surgery, it's been over a year since my last mammogram and I am already a month late for my diabetes blood test. I see no chance of getting any of this done yet this year. I have a stack of my mom and dad's stuff to make calls on, yet I would rather chew tin foil than make a simple phone call. Not sure why. I just HATE telephones.

My desk in the kitchen is all cluttery. This was something I was not going to let happen. I have two and a half feet of cookbooks in a little yellow shelf, with a sideways pile about a foot deep on top. It looks tacky, at best. I still sort of have the feeling that I have to ask someone before I move things around. I want to put thick cork board on the wall behind the desk, and move the shelf of cookbooks to under the desk. But to be very frank, I just do not feel like doing it.

I want to cut and glue and stamp and embellish and play with blocks and Fisher Price Little People and eat popcorn and drink coffee and sit for hours and hours in front of the fire with stacks of old Christmas magazines and books and let the world go by at an alarming rate until something, Something, SOMETHING (anything at all) in my world feels normal again.

Is that asking too much?