I thought he would make it to 90. Today would have been his 90th birthday.
His doctor wasn't so sure he would make it to 71, but I didn't listen to him.
My dad lived to be 83.
I remember thinking when he moved into a hospice facility that he would have to stay there for a looong time since I had plans for him to live to be 90.
But now? Now he WOULD BE 90, and I know it would not be any easier to lose him now. And there would be 7 more years of wonderful memories to grieve.
I find it impossible to understand time. Where, EXACTLY, does it go? Oh, I KNOW it is in the past, but WHERE IS THAT?
The feeling of the passing of time is so different as one gets older.
I remember writing a date of September something on the top of a paper at the beginning of the school year in 9th grade or so. The agonizing feeling of how long it would be until summer was almost too much to bear. Now? Now time passes so quickly that it feels like I am flipping a calendar page every single day.
My dad lived to be 83, and in his last year he was overwhelmed with the thought of how quickly his life passed by.
And like so many things he told me, he was right.
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5 comments:
Yes. Beautifully written and just how I feel.
Yes. Beautifully written and just how I feel.
Lovely!
I totally get what you are saying.
I can only imagine the way you feel looking back on the past 7 years - and trying to figure out the mysteries of life and time's passing...
My father will turn 90 in November, God-willing.
Today and every day, I walk with him through the muddy water of Mother's dementia. He does it with class and grace and child-like acceptance. He, the passive advocate; I, the active one.
It seems the older one grows, the faster time goes. Love your blog posts Judy.
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