Most assuredly, this will not include as many as the differences we haven't reconciled. Human nature being what it is, and all.
It would be remiss if I were to lead you to believe that it has been an easy journey, this twenty-eight years of living with THGGM.
Maybe that's been the biggest reconciler of all. Knowing that God gave him to me. And, I am not holding that against God.
It has also helped that we went to years of counseling. Years. It was most helpful.
But, I truly believe that one of the biggest helps for us was realizing the differences in our personalities. I am an Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judge (meyer/briggs type indicator) THGGM is an Extroverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiver.
The Introvert/Extrovert is the difference that drove me to distraction when we were first married. THGGM could not - absolutely could not - stay home. We were running running running right up until we had three children and not enough hands to corral them all. I crashed and burned. At home, he was dull and tired and seemed sullen. But then we would go out, and he was all happy, energetic and talkative. I was happy, energetic and talkative at home. When we went out, I was the dull, tired and sullen seeming one. Knowing this was just a personality trait helped us to deal with this.
All of our fun and most of our faults lie in that iNtuitive letter 'N'. We both LOVE to dream. Our minds are loaded with ideas. We both fall down on this one all the time. And, this one also lifts us up! We 'know things' but we don't know how we know them, we just do.
The Thinking/Feeling difference is a strange one for us too. Generally, men are the thinkers and women the feelers. Not so for us. Once, while watching a truly horrid movie, I leaned over to whisper in THGGM's how sappy I thought it was. He was sobbing. Oh yes, he would agree that it was sappy, but that didn't stop the tears. Anyway, it really showed up on the day our grandson was born. Son-in-law came out with Baby Boy and handed him to me. My first response was a thought - 'This is my grandson!' THGGM could not even hold him, he was crying so hard. His first response was a feeling - 'I'm overwhelmed with love for this child!' I'm not mocking him, I wish I COULD feel stuff the way he does. But, I can't.
The Judging/Perceiving one is another roadblock to the supposed 'happy life'. I think things 'should' be done a certain way. He likes to fly by the seat of his pants. He's spontaneous. I want a schedule. Although, we have learned a lot. He is now following a strict budget, and financial spontaneity is out the window for good. I've laid back a bit more, but I do think that is due more to medication than to any sort of growth on my part. I've a looooong way to go.
Tomorrow we are off to a much needed vacation. One with equal parts beach/woods and mall/quaint shops. And a whole lot of antique shopping. We are heading in the same direction that we went on our honeymoon. North. Twenty-eight years ago it was also a Saturday. We plan to come back the day after my birthday, just like we did then.
And, I still can't find our wedding pictures.
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4 comments:
Happy Anniversary, and have a grand & glorious time on your trip. It'll be good to get away for a while...maybe your mind will kick up where your hands stashed those wedding pictures!
My Dear Hubby is a Feeler and I'm a Thinker too so I understand where you're coming from on THAT one. I think my thinking comes from being raised with 3 brothers. I think Hubby's feeling comes from being raised with 3 sisters, haha! We're both homebodies, tho, content together or in our own company, so that's not been much of an issue for us. We've also been what we call "independently dependent" upon each other all these years...a unit in many ways but also willing to let each other pursue our own friendships and interests, too. I think too many marriages get in trouble when there's too much "togetherness"...we're part of a 'couple' but we're still uniquely ourselves, too.
Great post. My hubby and I are exactly the opposite on ALL four. We couldn't resist laughing when we found that out, because it explained ALOT of things. Over the years though, not only have we learned to live with the differences, I think in some areas (like introvert/extrovert) we're both moving closer toward the centre.
My hubby is the feeler and I'm the thinker too. :-)
I can so relate to this post! We've been married a little over a year and a half. I am the thinker and he is the feeler. Almost all my girl friends are extroverts and feelers and it makes me wonder what is wrong with me sometimes or if I'm so shut down emotionally I can't feel these deep feelings of emotion.:-) I hate to leave the house and he loves being surrounded by people!
I love reading your blog, even though this is the first time that I've commented.:-)
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