If Necessary...

Attributed to St. Francis - "Preach the gospel at all times, if necessary use words."

I have a friend whose husband died of AIDS nearly two decades ago. Although nobody knew this, as it was a fast moving cancer that killed him. And she didn't tell anyone.

Except a small group of people. A small group of people who preached the gospel at all times.

Let's call her "Amy". This is the name we agreed upon all those years back when she said I could tell her story after enough time had passed.

Today, this is the part of the story I am choosing to tell.

I met Amy through a mutual friend. Amy had just discovered that she had an STD, which she found shocking, as she had done nothing with which to catch one. Or, so she thought. She came home from the doctor, and told her husband that it must be true that you CAN catch them from toilet seats as she had not had sex with anyone but him, ever. Upon hearing this story, I dubbed her husband "the toilet seat". Anyway, I cannot even imagine her next few months. TTS went to the doctor, where it was discovered that he had full blown AIDS. Months of doctor's appointments, having her children tested, preparing financially and making plans to start up a ministry insued.

What? A ministry?

Yes. Apparently, this is what one is supposed to do when evil befalls them. Begin a ministry. At a point when she needed most to be 'ministered unto' Amy's heart was in how God was going to use this to start a ministry. Certainly having a husband with AIDS must qualify her for that.

God HAD to heal TTS, she had the verses to prove it. They CLAIMED them. And she knew the reason why. So they could have a ministry.

I hope it doesn't sound like I am mocking Amy. I am not.

But, you can't open the phone book and look under 'ministry' and find Amy's picture there.

Although, she certainly did try to do this. For awhile I feared that they would both 'succeed'. As they were a young attractive couple who seemed to have everything.

Everything, that is, except healing.

Now one would think (at least this one would) that deep inner spiritual healing would come first. For TTS, it never came. After months of Amy trying to force him into the roll of 'minister' she had to deal with the obvious facts that he was still 'acting out'.

In fact, just months before his death, he confessed to her that he had had annonymous sex with a 20 something guy he met at a rest area. Unprotected sex. Did NOT disclose that he had AIDS. She asked him how he could do that. His reponse? 'I don't give a DAMN about him!' And, obviously, not a damn about her either.

Rethinking the 'ministry' ensued for Amy. But she did not give up the idea. She just dug in harder. She teamed up with a really strange woman. A woman who had been married three times, and was presently dating a married man. But, she too was convinced that God wanted her to start a ministry. Together, they had plans to change the world. Once this guy was divorced, she planned to marry him (he did not plan to marry her) and her pastor had tapes that she and Amy could listen to together which promised to train them to be 'counselors'.

But nothing changed. At least not for TTS.

Three days before he died, Amy pushed him outside to his riding lawn mower. She told him she would be having a lot of people over after he died and she wanted the lawn to look good. He mowed it.

Three days later, he died.

I saw him laying there, all 'prettied up' in his coffin. I saw Amy holding the very small hands of their two boys.

She realized her 'ministry' that day. It was to those small hands she held.

Since then, I've seen Amy. Her business thrived. Her children have done well. She married the guy she hired to mow her lawn.

She doesn't have a public ministry. I don't think she wants one. She's forgiven TTS.

Several months after TTS died, I was praying for Amy. I saw a big fire. I had no idea what it meant. I'm not given to 'seeing' things like that. The next time I saw Amy, she said 'I thought of you awhile back'.

Oh? She was clearing out TTS's things. She saw a loose ceiling tile in his office. She got a chair and stuck her head up into the dropped ceiling. What she discovered there shocked her. Boxes and boxes of pornography. Tapes, magazines, worse.

She took them home, built a huge bonfire and watched them burn.

I know this, because I saw the fire.

Spread the good news about Jesus Christ, but please, oh please - only start a ministry if necessary!