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Here you will find scattered pictures from my point and shoot camera, random thoughts from my little world, treasured memories of days gone by, hopeful dreams of the days yet to come, and a bunch of ideas - because I've always got ideas!



Showing posts with label This post brought to you by a migraine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label This post brought to you by a migraine. Show all posts

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Bits and Pieces of This and That



Please bear with with me, as I have a migraine. I'm sure this is because I pointed out to THGGM that soooo many people seemed to be having headaches this week and I was happy NOT to be one of them. Of course, you KNOW what happened next.


Anyway.., I slept all morning and am slowly coming around.


My plan for the day WAS to take my dad and possibly Jonge to the nursing home to visit my mom. It's Pet Show day there today.


I'm soooo not there. As you can tell.


I DO remember yesterday.


My sister and I went thrift store shopping and to lunch at Hunan.


If you would please imagine that the wallpaper in the kitchen is gone, I think you could sorta kinda see the look I am aiming towards. I've not HIT it yet, but I'm getting closer.


The basket was a mere $2.99 and is holding linens.


Two weeks ago I found the red handled picnic-ware and yesterday I scored with the blue!


I'm still reading "Agnes Grey". So far I've learned that I would have made a horrible governess.


In other news:


My dad is still recovering. Today he noticed that he was a wee bit more short of breath. His physical therapist came just after 7:00 AM. I'm thinking he needs to slooowly ease into his day. Not start it with therapy. But then, what do I know?
Tomorrow my sister is getting married! We do want him to be well enough for that.
It has been almost two years that we have lived in this house. We have an uncanny knack for making a place look like we've lived there for decades in a very short time.
Still. I'm happy to report that ALL boxes are unpacked. Well, except for the ones that I opened up and quickly shut again. And, somewhere, I still have a box of really cool velvet roses.
I do not want to EVER have to move again. Not ever. It brings me such joy to know that when I die I can't take it with me.
But, until then, I keep collecting bits and pieces and arranging them in a pleasing manner.
Sigh...










Thursday, March 26, 2009

Focal Point


Well. Would you look at that!
Anyway, I looked at this all morning. Actually, almost the entire day. It's what I saw while I collapsed upon the couch with ANOTHER stinkin' migraine.
Forty minutes of the strange visual disturbances.
In the past when I had 'normal' migraines, laying in a cool dark room worked well. Oh, and drugs, too.
Not so with this demented kind.
The dark room or even closed eyes only served to make the weird zig-zaggedy neon-ish lights appear brighter.
So, I stayed in the living room and entertained myself by looking at this lovely pitcher of roses. All the time wondering who put it there, as I did not.
I've SO not been on top of things lately. Last time I had noticed, this chest was covered in old-school Fisher Price Little People resting quietly in all available beds.
A kind blog reader sent me a link to www.relieve-migraine-headache.com . I've already learned a lot from just the few things I was able to read there today. If you are a fellow-sufferer, please check it out. Good stuff there.
I'm trying to focus on one point here. How did I do?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Guest Photographer


Jonge took this picture of Famke today. I think he did a very good job!
And, an update.
Tomorrow my dad will be moved from the hospital to have his rehab at the home my mom lives in.
(I have a headache.)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Running in the Rain


Today was rainy.
I love rainy days.
Except, of course, when the rainy-day migraine hits.


Someone mentioned that I haven't been posting many pictures of Jonge.
That is because he rarely holds still.
He runs.


He runs fast.
He runs in the rain.




Tuesday, September 09, 2008

No Joybells Ringing in My Heart Today


I took my dad to the doctor this morning.
There he was declared to be good for another 100,000 miles.
Always good news.
It seemed as if we drove 100,000 thousand miles just to get there.
How so many detours could be going on at the same time is beyond me.
I saw parts of the city I had only heard about on the news. Not the 'good' news, either. Good grief. I'm also not a fan of driving, and driving into the sun? Even less of a fan of that.
But. my Tuesday rant is about Mr. Roger's Neighborhood no longer being on PBS. How DARE they! I did have about a dozen episodes saved, but cleared them off when we were recording the Olympics. Now I only have four. One of Mr. Roger's being fondled by Coco the gorilla - very interesting but a bit weird. The one with May Sarton and Chris de Vinck (which also shows a cat giving birth), an episode at the zoo where they wash a baby elephant and one more.
If that isn't sad enough, PBS can no longer run Signing Time. But I do have all of those saved.
I tried not to whine, cry and carry on when HGTV removed Carol Duvall. Really, I did. In fact, I don't think I've ever mentioned it.
But, Mr. Roger's and Signing Time!? I am weeping openly and unashamedly over this. These were the only two things Jonge, Alayna and I enjoyed watching together. And, we learned SOOO much!
So. There you have it. One knows one's life is good when the worse thing that happens is the loss of the only television shows you dearly enjoyed watching.
(I have a migraine.)
If Decorating Cents is taken off of HGTV I shall have fits. It is now the only thing I watch.
Well. Now that THAT is off my chest, I am on my way to bed. To finish "Mrs. Dalloway". Now there's a looooooong day.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

No Title Night

My day was absolutely fantastic.

Right up until I took Jonge and Famke outside to smell flowers and look for bees.

I got one of those horrible eye migraines.

Thankfully, they happily walked back into the house with me. Sometimes, they do not want to come in, and act their ages about it.

This time, you would have thought they had been handed a script.

We cuddled up together on the couch and read Sandra Boynton books. They know those, so not much is required of me.

I must look AWFUL, as THGGM has been most kind and helpful all evening.

Oh, what am I saying, he is always kind and helpful.

(oh, no. might that be because i always look awful? no energy left to think on that tonight.)

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Your Questions Answered


I must apologize for doing such a poor job of answering questions and responding to comments. I've no excuse beyond the usual ones, but, I do still feel bad about it.

Question #1 - What are you reading now?
I am still reading "The Borrowers". And "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom", "Snuggle Puppy", and "Goodnight Gorilla" as they are presently Famke's favorites.

Question #2 - How is your mom doing?
Still on a steady decline into the blurry world of Alzheimer's. But, she seems to be relaxed and contented. Alzheimer's is a cruel disease.

Question #3 - How is it possible that Famke will be a year old in two more days?
I do not know. It seems like yesterday she was just a bouncing bump under Daughter's maternity top. Yet, I cannot remember life without her!


Question #4 - What chocolate chip cookie recipe do you use?
My chocolate chip cookies originate from the Betty Crocker Drop Cookie recipe. I replace the shortening with butter and use whole wheat flour for most of the flour. To this recipe I add a half cup of chocolate malt powder. Yum. Since I am diabetic, I rarely make these. They are 'to die for' but not 'to die from'.

Question #5 - Have you had any of those weird 'eye migraines' lately?
Funny you should ask! Yes, as a matter of fact, this very morning. Today is my only day home alone this week, and did I ever have plans! But, on my way into the shower, the shimmering dancing waving spirals of light took over my vision. I laid down instead.

Question #6 - What phot0 program do you use?
I use the Corel Photo Album 6 which came with my Dell laptop. At first I did not like it, as figuring out new things when the old things were working perfectly for me is not at the top of my 'want to do' list. But now I LOVE it. Especially now that I've figured out how to add text to a picture. This is probably because I LOVE to label things. My camera is a Fuji that I have dropped soooo many times that I am in a state of constant amazement that the beloved thing still works.

Question #7 - Compared to last summer, how is this summer going for you?
Let's see...last summer Oldest Son and Daughter-in-law moved. Daughter and Son-in-law moved. We purchased a house and moved. Daughter had a baby. My mom went into rapid decline. So, I would have to say that compared to last summer this one has been heaps and heaps of less boxes better!

Question #8 - Didn't you say once that you planned to open an Etsy account and attempt to sell the weird stuff you make?
I do say a lot of strange things. I've been reading the sellers information on Ebay but I haven't put anything up yet. Etsy somehow sounds more fun. And, if you know me, you know that I am ALL ABOUT fun. Hah. That is, of course, MY IDEA of fun. Which is to glue stuff to other stuff and then take pictures of it.

Question #9 - What are you planning to do with your spool 'Little People'?
Secretly, I'm planning to make millions of dollars selling them to people who will love them as much as I do. In reality, I will probably add them to a shelf until the day THGGM finally says 'How long do we have to keep these out?' Then, I will add them to my collection of stuff that seemed like a great idea at the time, but now just looks like a 'Judy-thing'.

Question #10 - Do you realize how lucky you are that you and THGG(Y)M both enjoy antique and thrift shopping together?
I must be honest here. THGGM has come to loath thrift shopping. He goes because he likes to see where his small change is being spent. He does enjoy a good romp through an antique mall though. But, I feel I must share with you that we do not actually shop together. In fact, we rarely see each other until suddenly he appears at my side saying something like "I need to lay down". We both like it that way. He cares not a twit to pick through sewing notions, ephemera, or old games. He has not even a passing interest in old books. What he has is a great eye for furniture and since he is handy with paint, he does remarkably well scouting for finds that are improved with his magic. But, he has declared 'no more' and is sticking to it nicely.

There. Now, if I did not answer your question, or you have another for me, please feel free to ask away. And, I will answer - God willing (and the creek don't rise).






Friday, August 01, 2008

Scattered Thought




Yesterday we did a wee bit of thrift shopping. It's nice to live so close to the two we frequent the most.


There are a few things I'm always looking for, and if they are almost free, I will buy them.


Glass works with everything, but I am picky. I found a plate that looks like Fostoria.
Since I do not have a cake plate in that size, I looked around here until I found a glass candle stick, and I glued them together with glass glue. Voila!
I also watch for glass domes, the kind that originally came with a base. These make cute fake bell-jars. Everything looks better under glass. Well.., even 'nothing' looks better under glass. The glass defines exactly where the 'nothing' is.
I have a migraine. Can you tell?
Anyway...
Today was delightful. THGGM was home, and he and Jonge had a wonderful time together. They went to the park to play in the splash pad in the morning, came home, took naps, ate lunch and went back again. A PERFECT summer day.
Then there is Famke. She was sleepy and clingy and adorable. It took no effort at all to get her to sleep in my arms, but if I even THOUGHT about laying her in her crib - oh, did she have vocal opinions about that!
So THGGM took his afternoon nap with Famke, on the swing outside.
Famke returned to her sweet and happy disposition after her nap with her Pake. While the guys were at the park, she helped me pull weeds.
Oh. And she has a 'new' word that she likes to bandy about,
MINE!



Wednesday, April 09, 2008

What I Did On Wednesday, by Judy, Who Won't Remember Wednesday in the Morning


I think I have decided on the top color and one of the two bottom colors (i have not yet decided which) for the half bath. Maybe. I have to live with it for awhile. It will also house some of my collection of cobalt blue bottles and hanging stained glass-like thingies. I think it goes well together.
Today I went with my dad for his quarterly doctor's appointment. Since he cannot have joint replacement surgery he received cortizone shots in both knees. He's a tough old guy. I nearly fainted. The needles were HUGE, and since no nurse was available, I had to assist.
As is our routine after medical procedures, we went to lunch at Old Country Buffet. Lucky for us, someone in OCB had just lost their lunch in the moments before we arrived. So, I'm officially on the 'i just smelled puke' diet.
I hit a huge dip in the road and bottomed out my dad's car. I suppose it must have started out as a pot hole, but it evolved into something much grander, and less visable. So if you live around here, avoid going west on Burton just before US131. Nasty.
From there we went to the nursing home to visit mom. She had a great new haircut, was happy, and told us at least a dozen time that she 'just LOVES it here!'. She doesn't really know where 'here' is, but she kept saying that she hopes she can stay all through the summer.
I got home just before THGGM. I made him chicken chili for supper and promptly came down with a migraine.
Doesn't 'migraine' come from the root word 'migrate'? When is it going to fly south? When?

Monday, April 07, 2008

Bowls, Birds and Babies


What a weekend.
I hardly remember a thing.
Except that I had a migraine, and slept very little on Saturday night.
Famke and I were engaged in DEEP conversation. Her end of it was chipper and delightful.
I think I promised her a pony if she would just close her eyes and sleep. Oh, well. As it turned out, I will not need to get her a pony.
I think I slept it all off last night. I didn't become fully awake until about 8:00 pm.
The picture above is of two more things I found at the new Salvation Army thrift store in Kalamazoo. I have been on the look out for blue striped bowls since I first saw them at least a decade ago on the cover of a magazine. Much of the 'antique' stuff at the thrift store was over priced, even by antique store standards, but these two bowls were not. And, as you know, one can NEVER have too many bowls about.
And the little white bird on the left? A friend of my sister's was at my house for a shower last year and noticed that I collected birds. Look what she gave me! A white bird!
See? I did get three new things in one picture. I didn't think these would do well in the hands of Jonge.
I am sort of counting on Famke being sleepy today. I hope so. I know I am. And, I cannot afford a pony.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

My So-Called Weekend



It started out fine.

Then, while eating dinner in a restaurant with THGGM, I suddenly was overtaken by weird visual disturbances. Really weird ones.

I was POSITIVE that my retina had detached, or something else equally appalling.

THGGM had to guide me out while I described to him what looked like funky prisms dancing around in my eye. This caused extreme dizziness and made me wish I hadn't just eaten.

I made it home and called my sister who has had a detached retina and survived.

My symptoms were nothing at all like hers.

I googled my symptoms only to find A PICTURE of exactly what I was experiencing. Suddenly it all became clear. It was a migraine. In my eye.

I laid down in a dark room and after about an hour the visual disturbances went away (where, exactly, i do not know. but don't think that i haven't thought about it).

While laying there, experiencing the onset of many other migraine symptoms (although not a headache) I recalled this happening to me before. I flatter myself by thinking that I rank slightly above stupid, but, perhaps not.

And people wonder why I am afraid to leave home.

So, backing up a bit, look at the picture in this post! I found a wonderful rocker at my favorite thrift store. It is comfortable. After spending a half an hour with Famke as she screamed in teething pain, I announced that I simply MUST have a COMFORTABLE rocker to calm her. Whether or not it calms her will remain to be seen. Just having one available calms ME. (it is extremely hard to take a good picture of a rocking chair that is the same color as the walls. notice, i did not let that hardship stop me. no. not me.)

And, that is my weekend as I remember it.

Friday, December 28, 2007

No Time Like the Present

Or, maybe 'No time. Like the present?'

I had no time to make presents this year. Well, I made a few, but nothing like I wanted to.

This week I am still trying to recover from whatever my 'aliment of the month club' delivered to me. I am not watching adorable grandchildren so it almost feels like a Christmas vacation. Except, of course, that Christmas is over, and I also have my traditional 'after Christmas migraine'. (yea, me!)




I experimented early in the month with some leftover wool yarn. I was curious as to whether or not the pompoms would hold up in the wash. They did that, and also the dryer. One even tried to escape and spent a few days all alone on the basement floor.
Now that I had them, I wasn't sure what to do with them. So, today I wondered if my jewelry glue would work on wool. It did.
Then I just went crazy with more, yes MORE, junque that I have laying around my humble albeit cluttered abode.
I have glass beads. Somewhere. I found them in the garage just outside the porch door. I did learn that if two old aqua glass beads come joined together, you cannot separate them by putting them into a sandwich bag and cutting them with a very large butcher knife. It just doesn't work. (if anyone would like some aqua glass bead crumbs, i have some in a baggy.)
My old jar of buttons just happened to be in a picnic basket on the back porch. I was hot from floor scrubbing, so I sat out there for a bit to cool off. It was a pretty and snowy afternoon, so I made the must of my time.
In the button jar I also found some wee bits of crochet. AND, long pins with glass beads on the end.
Oh...then I just went crazy.
A large button serves as a base for the snowman. I glued a small doily to the button to give a snowy effect.
I think she needs arms, and a tiny purse of some sort flung over one, like it doesn't care.
But sometimes I don't know when to stop.
Like, I should have stopped when the smell of the jewelry glue started making me feel queasy. But, I didn't, and now I have a migraine. And a very sore neck, and a stuffy nose, and oh, you don't want to know what else...
But, I have a snowman!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Funday Monday



This picture is dark and blurry due to a migraine that attached itself to my head at 3:30 this afternoon.


Jonge, Famke and my parents were here. But Daughter and THGGM returned shortly after I was hit with it, so I managed.


So, before the last bit of my memories of today disappear into pieces of fitful dreams, I must record a few things.


I bought one more 25 cent thing at the thrift store which I failed to note in the post below. It was a plastic sandwich bag containing two Fisher Price Little People, a FP chair, a small doll and a pink barrette. Thinking that these were things that Famke may enjoy someday, I put them into the toy drawer.


Jonge discovered the bag and played with the toys for a short time. Then, he brought me the barrette, which I had not even noticed was in the bag. I put it in Famke's hair (of course, this reminded me that Famke's sweet fair-haired mother didn't have enough hair until she was three to support a barrette, and once she had the hair - refused - to wear them). Anyway, Famke looked smashing in the pink barrette. But, Jonge requested it back.


I gave it to him. He insisted that I put it in his hair. INSISTED. His exact words 'mine please beppe pink hat'. All while tapping the top of his head.


We argued for a while about how it was not a hat, but a barrette. I explained that I had never seen a boy wear a barrette before. Daddy doesn't, Pake doesn't, Pa doesn't. He really can give me a look that says 'you idiot'. He used the exact words 'mine please beppe pink hat', but emphasized patting his head, which as any 'Signing Time' watcher KNOWS means hat. So, I put the pink barrette in his hair. He smiled a fabulously endearing smile, while saying 'mine pink hat'.


This was at, oh, about 10 this morning.
Jonge ate lunch while wearing 'mine pink hat'.
He took a two and one half hour nap while wearing 'mine pink hat'.
He happily showed his mommy 'mine pink hat'.
He ate dinner with 'mine pink hat' perched upon his cute little brown-haired head.
Pake read him books with 'mine pink hat' directly under his wary eyes. Pake removed 'mine pink hat'. Lower lip quivering from Jonge and a stern rebuke from yours truly and Pake returned 'mine pink hat' to it's proper resting place.

Jonge left tonight at 8:00 still wearing 'mine pink hat' in his hair. Right smack-dab in the center of his head. Not even Pake's refusal to walk him down to see the 'bookball' players with that thing in his hair would persuade him to remove 'mine pink hat'.

Also tonight, I got a phone call from my mom. She had been here for most of the day, so I thought that maybe she had forgotten something here (oh, wait. she has forgotten just about everything.) Anyway...
She called to tell me that they were back from their trip to Wisconsin. They had a WONDERFUL time. Although, she told me that my aunt was taking care of someone's baby, and she never could figure out whose baby it was. But, she went on about what an adorable little girl she got to see while she was there.

I did not correct her. I did not tell her that she was at my house all day. I did not tell her that the adorable baby she got to see was Famke. Famke, the baby who was actually screaming into the phone the entire time I was talking to her. She never made the connection. Just told me how sorry she was that I didn't go with them.

If my head did not hurt so much already, I might cry. But, crying never makes me feel better. Because I do not cry tears. The tears just back-up into my head and make it all hurt even worse.

So, I choose to laugh. It hurts less.
Oh. And Famke threw-up on me twice today. Her one bottle of formula a day isn't sitting so well on her tiny tummy. It didn't sit so well on me, either. It sort of slithered down my neck...
Which reminds me. Jonge fed the cat salami today. Barb swallowed it whole and threw it up under the kitchen table during lunch.
I'd forgotten about that until just now.
Oh, goody.




Sunday, October 14, 2007

The $&%^# Wallpaper

I did manage to fit in some thrift/antique shopping over the weekend. I hardly spent any money at all. Some of my finds were fabulous, some were just things I thought looked interesting, but were not all that great of buys.



The flowers on the table are Daughters. Son-in-law sent them to her for her birthday. They spent the week-end in Illinois, so I got to enjoy the flowers all weekend. They are beautiful, and smell lovely!







I was sure I had a copy of "The Yellow Wall-paper" but since I did not find it when we moved, I thought I'd better pick up this one. It was only a dollar, but being a Dover Thrift to begin with it was only $1.50 when new. The pin was the highest priced thing I bought, and was probably the item worth the least. But, I have a place for it.




The restaurant china pitcher was only 25 cents. Buying these piece by piece is SO inexpensive.


I also found two very old piano books for 25 cents each. They are fabulous. Except, in the olden days, nobody seemed to care if everything was written in 4+ sharps or flats.


Possibly I will not be finding these for so cheap, as the cashier noted how old they were.


Oh, that little blue stroller was a quarter also. I'm thinking I could pop one of my doll-house babies into it for a Christmas tree decoration. Hopefully I will be able to find a pink or white one for Famke.


I did spend some time on Saturday reading "The Yellow Wallpaper". Since it is all about getting rid of ugly wallpaper, it fit in so nicely to my battle with the wallpaper in my pink bathroom.


Now stop reading if you do not want the book spoiled for you.


The first time I read it, I actually thought it was the husband who made the woman go crazy.


Now that I am older, wiser, and have lived with more than my share of hideous wallpaper, I understand it SO much better.


And if you see me...creeping along the walls of my bathroom...you will understand...it's because of the stinkin' wallpaper!!


It's made me crazy!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

I Don't Feel 'At Home' Here, Yet.

I thought I did, but not yet.

I still feel as if I need to ask someone if I want to pick a flower, or something.

THGGM is missing his porch swing. It's sitting outside the breeze-way, but he hasn't found the studs to hang it yet.

Tonight, the strangely different ways that THGGM and I cope with stress are apparent.

He is watching 'So You Think You Can Dance'. He has them all on the DVR, and it is unending.

I don't 'get' dancing. If he thinks there is something really great, he will call me in to watch it.

I watch. Nod my head, and say something profound, like 'cool!' But I don't get it.

He doesn't get me.

He actually left his viewing to see who was in the kitchen with me.

No one.

I deal with stress in totally different ways than he does.

I was listening to 'The Lord's Prayer' being read in Frisian. Over and over.

Sometimes, it's just nice to hear a voice that sounds like grandpa. Both of them.

Then, in some odd search I was on, I found a tiny bit of 'Meike and Nina' singing The Windmill song in Dutch. My high school twin friends, John and Anna had this album. Now I want to order it. Except, they sing terribly. I cannot believe they weren't drug out and shot. But, I'm longing for all things old and familiar...

Now it seems that I should ask someone if it's okay for me to go to bed.

I'm tired. My head is throbbing.

My mom is coming tomorrow. I'm not sure if I should tell her that her identical twin sister was just diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Would she remember?

Life.

It's just so daily.

Friday, June 22, 2007

I Was Wrong

A person really CAN have too many books.

It seems funny (odd-funny, not a reason to chuckle) that I have over a dozen books on getting organized. I must say that those books were all together in a neat and orderly fashion on a book shelf. Can I get extra points for that?

I didn't get my bookshelves in the loft completely emptied into boxes tonight. I feel like such a failure. Out of the 35 shelves, two of them still contain books. To get to those shelves I would have to move a desk, which would require my moving a couch, which won't budge as it is full of filled boxes of books.

Although, I did get the majority of my 'Dutch stuff' packed.

This evening THGGM decided that tomorrow would be a GREAT day to have a yard sale. He was a busy busy busier man.

My head is still throbbing.

Tomorrow I must venture into my 'art room' filled with rubber stamps, craft supplies and a plethora of 'found objects'. Oh, and material, patterns, idea books, my sewing machine and countless other 'what-nots'. I must get this done before the heat and humidity return.

In my head I hold a picture. A picture I have seen MANY times in my life. It's a picture of a woman fleeing her homeland. She has in her arms a small bundle of goods.

Also in my mind is a picture of me. Me, with the biggest U-haul available filled to the brim.

And I think I have problems.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

So, How Have You Been?

This week I have taken a serious inventory of what is wrong here.

A lot. Yes. A lot is wrong.

I remembered that when one finally surfaces from feeling depressed long enough to look around and notice that there are still lives going on in one's proximity, it is best to go back to what worked before to bring one out of it.

Already I had unearthed my "Inside Out" book. This is a painful bugger of a book to read. I first read it in the early nineteen nineties. In the book I actually found a copy of the building request form I had filled out when four friends and myself set out to work through this book together. Two of them I know FOR SURE WITHOUT ANY DOUBT would NEVER read this book again. Not that they didn't like it. It's just not an easy read. Another would never read it again because she just could not believe that there wasn't an easy answer for everything. I think she only joined our study to try to help us poor little things out with her vast array of religious cliches.

I found the book life-changing.

It was also at a point in my life when I underlined everything I found helpful as I read. This time through, I'm seriously wondering what caused me to underline some of the stuff I did. Today, if I was still into underlining - and I am not - I would be choosing totally different things.

So, I'm one third of the way through, and from there I will move on to "Finding God", by the same author (Larry Crabb). Then, it's on to Leanne Payne. On top of this, I still have "My Utmost for His Highest" at hand - my beloved 'coaster' copy that is underlined, highlighted. dog-eared and nearly falling apart.

I must also add to my reading list something about the death of hormones, as I seem to have either misplaced mine, or they died. Does this cause one to feel like one can no longer find oneself? I've been looking, but I do not know where I am. Maybe I will pick up clues from what I underlined in the past.

I've also quit drinking vast and copious amounts of coffee (it has always been easy for me to give up that which i have thrown up). I would like to think that is helping too. That leaves me tired, which is a side effect of my medication. But, since it is SUPPOSED to do that, drinking coffee was working against it. Or, so it would seem.

Tonight I am fighting with a migraine. I refuse to give in. And, I refuse to take the medication for that, which is about the same as coffee, but without the bitter after taste.

Some people believe there is a God when he appears to answer their requests for things.

I know there is a God. He sent a robin family to nest outside my window. Right where I can see them.

Me, the one with the blog about having an empty nest.

He knows me.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

...but, as it is with most things, I probably would not have believed them. Or, maybe someone did tell me, but I couldn't hear it.

Here are just a few - off the top of my head - of the things I THOUGHT I had to do.

I thought I had to 'help' people. Like go out and find them and turn them into a 'ministry'. I have no doubt that there exist people who ARE called to do that. There is no such call on my life. When I struggled with how to do this thing that everyone else was doing I felt like such a failure. So, I gave up that struggle and just told God that He would have to drop someone on my doorstep, and He did just that. More than once. Oh, and quite often the doorstep wasn't literal.

I thought I had to figure it all out. Like my friends. Some of them think they did, and, frankly I find them tiresome now. Because I know they did NOT figure it all out. It CANNOT all be figured out, and it's truly annoying to have to listen to people who think they have. Wasn't it St. Augustine who said something loosely translated as "If you can figure it out, it isn't God"? I realized that I was never going to travel in the group of 'those who thought they had it all figured out' after attending a Women's Bible study at my church. After 12 lessons on becoming a certain type of woman, I found myself standing in front of my dryer praying that my underwear would dry in time for me to leave for the last lesson. Can't one still be Godly without having every duck in a row? My ducks liked to spin out of control from time to time. Just for fun, I like to think. Certainly, I still TRY to figure things out. But, it would have saved me a lot of grief if someone had just told me it couldn't be done. Not completely, anyway.

I thought it mattered more how things appear than how they actually are. Unlike (or would it be like?) Hyacinth Bucket I'm no good at keeping up appearances. I see this as a major problem everywhere. Now that I know beyond any reasonable doubt that NOTHING is as it appears, I'm cynical, yet trusting in a guarded sort of way. A worthy goal, I've found, isn't to hope to find oneself suddenly sinless, but finding oneself so sinful that the only real good that can happen is that the time between the sin and the repentance becomes shorter and shorter. This is what has always confused me about Christianity. I hear the TV evangelist variety telling how bad they were, and then Christ entered their life, and they became good. It didn't happen like that for me. Christ came into my life and showed me how much worse things were than even I thought possible. He never told me, 'There, I've fixed you up good, now you go point out to everyone else what is wrong with them'. He seemed to say to me something entirely different. Something more like - come to the party where everyone is an honest mess, but together I'll teach you where to find the joy.