Faith. Believing That the Sun Is Still There...

...even though I cannot see it.

If my memory serves me correctly, the sun must be that light showing through the thin spot in the clouds.

Why the sky looks blue in this picture, I do not know.

It's gray. Gray. Everything is gray.

I love looking at leafless trees up against the sky.

Winter has a beauty all it's own.

Today

Typical icky February Michigan weather today.

THGGM brought me to Jonge and Famke's house today so that they did not have to venture out.

It ended up being a very good idea, as Jonge was not feeling very well. He wanted to be hugged and cuddled. So did his sister. And, his dog.

I got a lot of love today.

Famke, after having one very fussy hour, was an adorable bundle of giggles and grins.

She thinks that whistling is really funny.

We watched the storm begin.

And, snacked on nummies!

The storm seems to have passed over. Storms are like that. They roll in, they roll out, and life rolls on.

Things I Learned Today

I cannot change the TV channel with the telephone.

I cannot answer the remote.

I cannot do more than one thing at a time, and can barely do one thing.

I am capable of having extremely odd dreams, which are drawn extensively and exclusively from things going on in my little corner of the world.

I am not capable of picking up a book without thumbing through it. Pick up a dozen books? Must thumb through all of them.

A cat laying on my bed means that I must lay by him and carry on a conversation.

Nursing homes won't let you visit during a flu epidemic.

Even my best laid plans get thwarted.

Playing board games on line with my adult children is more fun than it was playing board games with them when they were young. No arguements about who cleans up. No throwing things. No blood drawn.

That reminds me, I haven't had my November blood drawn yet.

I am not always hot. Today, I am very cold.

I never cry. Except today.

Because of this:

This is what youth must figure out:
Girls, love, and living.
The having, the not having,
The spending and giving,
And the meloncholy time of not knowing.

This is what age must learn about:
The ABC of dying.
The going, yet not going,
The loving and leaving,
And the unbearable knowing and knowing.

- E.B. White

(Did you know that E.B. White had Alzheimer's? He did.)

Today at Beppe's House

(sigh)

In one hour I will be leaving for a meeting at the nursing home where my mom lives.

Weird, how things happen.

I feel sick to my stomach, like I want to vomit. This is something that has plagued me all my life. Something in the least bit nerve wracking happens, and I need to throw-up. Or, worse.

So, I am thinking about this as I apply makeup under my eyes to try to hide the deep dark circles making their home there, I hear my mom's voice from the past...

"It will be fine. Things always work out. You won't throw...I'LL BE RIGHT BACK! DON'T MOVE."

I should just move through my life with a bucket around my neck.

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers.

Again, pray for a deep abiding peace for my mom. And for a band of angels to guard her soul from the ravaging effects of dementia.

UPDATE:

I'm back home. Things went very well. Mom's medication has been adjusted and although my dad said that he saw a bad episode of aggression on Tuesday, they assured me that she responds well to the medication she is being given when she gets that way. Apparently, they feel that she is adjusting very well. She has lost a lot of weight, so a nutritionist was also on hand. Losing weight slowly will be a good thing for her, and may be a result of her diabetes being under control. The unit coordinator said that we may call at any time to ask for an update. This should help my dad on those days he has left when she is upset, and then all night he lays awake feeling bad for her. A call, even at 3 AM, could let him know that she is fine and fast asleep.

There was a memorial service going on in the fellowship hall. The administrator of the home was singing a solo of "It Is Well with My Soul". Mom was singing quietly along with him. She had that look of it being well with her soul. May it always be so.

Just before we turned off the highway I hit a patch of 'plow crud' and slid. Thankfully, traffic stops WAAAY back due to a railroad track. That took the fear of the meeting out of me. I arrived calm, cool and collected. Not so sure about my dad... I'll have to see if he lets me drive next time.

In the Fortune Cookie Tonight...

Today we finally found the time to go out for THGGM's birthday dinner. We went to Hunan. It was great. Love that place.

The message in my cookie said "Very little is needed to make a happy life."

So true. I found some 'very little' at the thrift stores today.

Tonight, I found two old Scrabble games, one with the old smooth letters that I prefer, and one slightly newer, which will do.

I also found a fabulous dresser scarf for 50 cents and a few other not-so-old doilies and pillow shams.

And, books! I missed the Wednesday night cheap books, but couldn't pass on these. Two Faith Baldwin, an Elizabeth Goudge, British Poetry and Prose, AND "A Treasury of the Familiar". Exactly what I've been missing, the familiar! Ahhhh. Just what I needed.

And what was the message in THGGM's cookie?

"Someone is looking up to you. Don't let that person down,"

Well, this picture of THGGM passing out marshmallows this morning seemed to fit here.

Please, if you come to my house, DO NOT say 'marshmallow'. Somebody loves them.

I'm Home

I got up at 5:30 this morning, and it is now 11:30.

It goes without saying that I am very tired. But, I said it anyway.

I took some lovely pictures at my lovely niece's lovely wedding tonight.

Soon, I will be coherent enough (maybe) to post them.

But for now, I will post just one.

This one.

I call it:

"Buddy in the Bubbly".

Thursday...

Daughter goes back to work on Monday.

Then, I will get to be the one alone with the little munchkins.

I once had three 3 and under, so I know what I am in for.

But, I was 23 years younger then, and at least twice that many in pounds.

Since I've lost a discernible portion of my mind, I think I'm up for it.

Actually, I can't wait!

Daughter fears that I will be bored.

I don't DO bored. BorING, yes. Bored, no.

Monday Funday, Part II

Ah, yes. We DO Work and Play!

I'm crazy about the images in this book. These are the kids I grew up with. Well. Not actually THESE kids, as Dick and Jane had evolved a bit from the 40's to the 60's. No longer was Baby nameless, she had become Sally by then.

I was very surprised to find this for only $4.00.

I do believe I will be cutting this one apart.

Tonight we ventured out again.

Our first stop was going to be Target, but Jonge and Famke live very close and Pake claimed that the car just turned in there on it's own.

It's not a day off for Pake if it doesn't include lots of hugs and kisses and smiles from those two.

We finally made it to Target, where I found these bowls. They were on clearance for about $2.00 a piece. There were only these four and I could not persuade THGGM to go on a hunt at all the area Targets. Mmmm. Target. Nice place to shop.

Target didn't have the Rod Stewart CD I wanted. So, we headed to 'the mall', where we rounded out our adventurous day by eating mall food. THGGM loves the chinese food at the mall. I had the egg drop soup. That was enough for me.

THGGM found the CD. Vol. II. I'm on my way to light the candle, put on the CD and let Rod sing to me while a take a loooooooooooooong relaxing bath.

I needed this day.

Monday Funday

Ah, yes.

To make up for that harried weekend, THGGM has today off.

We slept in.

He 'til 7:00, me 'til 7:30.

We went to breakfast at 8:00.

Then it was off to grocery shopping. The store seemed filled with mother's of preschoolers who had apparently just dropped everybody else off at school. It was unhurried and delightful.

It cost too much.

We came home. Me, to fill the pantry, THGGM to tend to some work that needed doing.

Next we were off again. To 'Somewhere in Thyme' our new favorite antique mall. I bought a 'Dick and Jane' book to rip apart and a cedar chest sample to make into a shadow box.

Lunch was had at 'Rainbow Grill'. THGGM and I used to eat there more often when he had Wednesday's off. Monday is potato soup day, so it was extra special.

He also went to the hardware store while I shopped at Michael's. I bought a second small scrapbook to make another ABC book, having remembered that I now have TWO grandchildren. Today they were 40% off (the scrapbooks). I also bought some 'instant age' varnish. Because I look too young for my age? Hardly. To smear on THGGM whilst he sleeps? Maybe. I cannot remember why I wanted it, but I did remember that I did. I wanted to by instant papier mache, but I didn't have a coupon, and it wasn't on sale. And, it looked exactly like dryer lint to me, which is hard to spend money on.

THGGM finished his project, which looks better than I had imagined. He isn't totally satisfied with it though, so I won't post any pictures.

Next, if I have my way, we are off to Target to pick up a CD. I want the Rod Stewart one that was playing at the reception we attended last weekend. It was beautiful. And, I never would have thought myself a Rod Stewart fan.

In the car after lunch, THGGM was belting out "All I need is the air that I breathe, and to love you!". I informed him that I need a teensy bit more than that. Add lunch out and antique shopping, and I'm good to go.

Last week, while we were dressing for the wedding, I mentioned to THGGM that I thought I should go on "What Not to Wear". I am no fashion maven. I have only one 'going out' outfit, besides two black beaded dresses - one mother of the groom and one mother of the bride. I would be perfectly happy to spend my remaining days in comfortable jeans, a shirt and a denim vest with pockets. Pockets are important to me. He agreed. Then he added; "You should also go on 'What not to eat, What not to say, What not to do...'

Oooo. Do I have a show for him. "Who Not To Mess With".

It's still early. We can still do a lot more fun stuff tonight!

First Day of Fall, and All

(note to family. everything turned out okay.)



Today, I was the cinnamon roll maker for our Saturday morning family breakfast.



I woke up unable to use my left hand. I slept with my wrist splints on, hoping that would cure me over night. It did not.



THGGM graciously opened everything that I needed to have opened. It's easy to get help with the smell of warm cinnamon rolls filling the house. Setting them under the ceiling fan in the kitchen helped to get them noticed.



After a scrumptiously delightful breakfast, THGGM and I went to our favorite thrift store. He found a perfect little Ethan Allen lamp and a knitted baby sweater. I rounded up the usual suspects that always bring me joy. Stuff. Old books to read, including the Complete Adventures of the Borrowers, and The Cost of Discipleship. A flower press book, a clock book for Jonge and some jewelry to take apart rounded out my finds.



THGGM has to work this weekend. It is inventory time. So, I brought him to work so that I could have a car for getting me to work, to more shopping and to arrange my mom and dad's meds for the week.



After dropping THGGM off for work, inventory being something that he actually enjoys doing, I drove to Michael's to use my 50% off coupon before it expired. My new collection is photo storage boxes. They happened to be 2 for $3 this week. For me, it's all about the plain brown ones, so I can embellish them as I deem necessary. I also found a 6x6 photo album to make an ABC book for Jonge (okay. so by the time i actually do this he will be 16 and fluent in all things alphabet.)

I was planning to go directly to work, but instead stopped home to unload my goods. While there I listened to messages. I NEVER do this. I'm BAD at listening to messages. I do it, but usually at the end of the day. But, today, I was wondering if Daughter had called. So I listened to my voice mail.

There was only one. It was from my dad.

This is what he said:

"This is dad. I need help with your mom. Mom needs help."

I'd only been gone for an hour, so I looked at the time, and he had called just two minutes ago.

I jumped back into the car to make the short trip over. I kept running into road blocks.

When I arrived, he met me at the door.

Not an emergency, really.

My mom had taken a bath, and was unable to get out. Apparently, he had been trying for quite sometime, but she just could not get out.

My left arm was still just a dangling appendage and I only use my right one for typing and piano playing. Mom didn't need a typist or a song played for her, so I was no help at all. Except, of course, I provided moral support. Well. Actually, I laughed. That's because she said to me, "I bet you didn't think you'd be seeing THIS much of me this week." Um, no.

Since my dad had been unable to reach me, he did the only thing he could think to do. He called 911.

What does one do when someone is stuck in a bathtub? I could tell that nothing was wrong with my mom, except that she could not get up. Do you stand there and converse with them, or try to be reassuring from a distance? While pondering that, my mom said, "So. What are we doing for Christmas?" Really, mom. Do you want to talk about this, now? For someone with Alzheimer's who had missed their last two nights of medication she was rather clear-headed.

I, on the other hand (the other hand that isn't dangling uselessly), couldn't remember how to even conjure up a clear thought.

Soon two very strong women appeared and in no time at all had my mom seated comfortably on a dining room chair.

It was not long before she was clothed and in her right mind.

"Well. THAT was certainly embarrassing!" was her only comment about it.

After my dad had caught his breath, he left to go pick up some groceries.

I filled their medications for the week and life went on as usual. My mom and I sat at the table and discussed what we plan to do for Christmas. This is what we talk about the most, lately. I don't mind. It's a subject I enjoy.

I stayed around for awhile to make sure everyone was as okay as they can be, and then I went to work. The hum of a good vacuum is excellent therapy.

Back home, I picked up "The Cloister Walk" by Kathleen Norris and held it firmly in my good right hand.

Soon, Daughter arrived. Surrounded by the happy noise of Jonge and the adorable sideways smiles of Famke, order was restored to my topsy-turvy little world.

She Whirls, She Twirls, She Spins...

...she doesn't quite fall over, because her mother is there to catch her.

I got a lot done around here before my mom arrived. As usual, she is very good after her morning walk.

We sat down to chat while waiting for Jonge and Famke to arrive.

She said something to me, and as I turned my head towards her, EVERYTHING began to spin. EVERYTHING. Me, her, the room, the brightly colored chair I was sitting on...

I'd had an earache off and on all week, but that was all.

So, in the morning, my mom took care of me. She knew all of the right questions to ask as she and my dad both have had inner ear problems in the past, and extreme dizziness has always been the harbinger of stroke for my dad. Seems like I had a migraine without the head pain. I get those much less frequently than in my past, so it surprises me when it happens.

I had this happen once last year, when I spent the afternoon laying on the floor with Jonge. He really enjoyed it. Me, not so much.

Anyway...by afternoon I recovered sufficiently to get on with my life. Which required me to take care of my mom, Jonge and Famke.

Sometimes I find myself thinking, what if this had happened when...

And then I stop.

Because I know Who holds the 'what ifs'.

Could Hartz Mountain Make This for People?

I had the morning to myself today.

It was sooo nice.

I read some, researched some, drank ever so much coffee, and played the piano - a lot.

For lunch I had a 'lean cuisine' and emailed my friend, Anne.

The rest of the afternoon involved a whole lot of housework. But, I got most of it done.

After THGGM got home from work, he brought a large box of stuff to the thrift store. It felt good to get rid of it. Then he mowed the lawn.

I started to feel guilty, so I grabbed my pruners and went outside to chop off the dried stems in my Desert Candle plants. I had those at the last house we owned. I do not like them. They bite, hurt small children and aren't very pretty. But, they seem to be very popular in this neighborhood, as one neighbor has an entire border of them. Keeps out the riff-raff, I'm sure.

I did meet a 'sort of' neighbor, the daughter of an older couple who live a couple of doors down. I've got to keep up with THGGM and Jonge, who are meeting people all down the block. Anyway, she was a very nice person and answered some questions I've had, and I didn't even need to ask them - she answered without knowing I wanted to know. I like it when that happens. But, she isn't a gardener, so couldn't help me out with my plant identification project.

Remember how I mentioned that it looked like something large had laid in a few of my plants? She mentioned a family of muskrats that took over several yards last summer, ours being one of them. Hmm. Apparently, they now live across the street from us, under some overgrowth covering a fence. I do not wish to meet them!

I've met a bunny, a squirrel, the 'thpy-lour', his very large extended family and a whole lot of bees.

I never left the house today, except to go into the yard. No one came over. No one. Every once in a while, that is a good thing.

Reminders

My mom was very mellow and very clear-thinking yesterday morning. This even though she falled to take her medications the night before. Anyway, I wrote a post about it. You know the kind, where you bleed all over the keyboard. But sadly, I lost it.

Earlier in the week I found these fabulous flash cards while thrift shopping. I thought they seemed like appropriate reminder-place-cards around the table. When I set the 'you are here' card in front of my mom she laughed long and hard. Then she asked what mine said. I showed her the 'i will help mother'. That set us both off.

Yes. 'we are here'.

Wednesday

Flames. There were flames.

No one was injured, nothing but the towel was harmed.

Daughter entered the kitchen in time to see flames.

What shall we call this? THGGM has a 'senior moment'?

I believe it is obvious from the picture that someone laid a wadded up towel on a still hot burner.

Please do note that, ah hem, the proper day of the week towel was being used.

Finding Time to Experiment

with light! I knew where all of the best spots and times for 'light' were at the old house. Here, I have had to do some experimenting, and there hasn't been much time for that.

These were all taken with the 'aid' of the little florescent light I keep in the pantry closet.

Oh. And the accordion girl? I read further down in my blog when and why I bought her.

See. That is why I blog. If I didn't, I'd have NO IDEA what I've been doing.

Primer, Undercoat, Basecoat, Topcoat, Sealer

My one splurge. Clinique! Thankfully, THGGM is good at noticing when Clinique offers all the free stuff. You think I like thrift? I like free stuff even better.

So, I buy the fabulous yellow stuff from Clinique and divvy up the free stuff.

Then, off I go to paint my face.

I'm thinking of trying that grass-growing-miracle-stuff-for-lawns on my head. If it can grow on concrete, I'm sure it could grow just fine on this head of mine.

So.., what's YOUR splurge item?

(hummmm. while posting this i burnt a batch of cookies. i'm SUCH a grandma.)

Sheila's Shower

Yesterday I hosted a shower for my youngest niece, Sheila. She is marrying James on September 28.

This house is beginning to feel like home now, and for three main reasons. I've hosted a gathering, THGGM has broken something and our cat is throwing up all over the place. Ahhh. Home. There's nothing like it.

Now, back to the shower.

The food was great, and we had plenty - which is something I always am concerned about. My sisters took better pictures, so maybe I can replace these someday with ones in clearer focus!

Somewhere in this house I have a bag FULL of those fold-out paper wedding bells, but do you think I could find them? I did find my kitschy bridal cake toppers, so the shower didn't totally lack thrift-store panache!

Famke was worn out from all the festivities. Here, Northern Sister is taking a break from all the activity to snuggle with her.

And, there is another wedding on the horizon!

This is my niece Merideth, who will be getting married on May 10 to Troy.

I penciled in a migraine for today. But, I did not get one! Maybe, just maybe, if I penciled them in on a regular basis I could avoid them altogether!

I was really expecting to get one. It was nine years ago to the month that we held a graduation open house for Oldest Son. We had just moved in to that house a month earlier. It is REALLY difficult to anticipate how things will go when you have never had a crowd in 'the new place'. Oldest Son's open house was to begin at 6:00. At exactly five minutes to six, I was over-come with a horrific migraine and spent the entire open house laying in a cool dark room.

My mom and Northern Sister ended up taking over the event and did a smashing job of it.

My guess would be that as Northern Sister pulled up to our house yesterday she probably was thinking 'She better not do THAT again!'

Anyway. I had a simply wonderful time!

Best wishes, Sheila and James!

Random McRandomness

Just a bit of an update.

I am starting to feel more at home here. Except in the basement, living room and dining room. I've only been in the basement to do laundry. I hope that changes soon, because if I don't start arranging my three rooms of creative space I fear someone else will take it over. As far as the living areas of the basement goes, SOMEONE has made himself at home, as I keep picking up cups, empty containers and other debris. The living room and dining room need a bit more living and dining going on before it will feel like 'mine'. I'm hosting a bridal shower for my niece this weekend, so that might help too.

Famke is doing very well. She is filling out rather nicely, and I noticed no yellow tones to her skin yesterday. She sees the doctor again on Wednesday.

My mom continues to have good parts of the day and bad parts of the day. Yesterday northern sister and brother-in-law stopped over after having had dinner with them. They reported all to be well. My southern sister came shortly after, and said that when she arrived she found my mom wandering around the parking lot looking for my dad. Dad was in the basement watching a ball game. I doubt that their condo development will go for adding invisible fencing, so we will have to come up with a 'plan b' in the very near future.

THGGM is still working like a mad man around here. I am still unpacking boxes. Pantry organization is in progress. This weekend we bought all those little household items that were necessary to this house.

Our bedroom and the guest room have been pronounced finished. The outside awnings have been painted, and shutters are being added.

Both main floor bathrooms have wallpaper in different degress of 'peeledoffedness'. If I don't get it done in time for the shower, I will simply paint on the walls 'picture this white'.

I've added a new symptom to my long list of physical complaints. Friday night while THGGM and I were out and about, I mentioned to him that it hurt to turn my neck to the right. I chalked this up to having held a tiny baby all week while lovingly staring into her dreamy eyes. Well. I do not think that is what it was. Saturday morning I woke up and could hardly move. As the day wore on it got a little better. Sunday I woke up almost immobile. It took much longer and a few rounds of an anti-inflammatory to get me moving. By afternoon I could move without wincing. Seriously, it feels like every joint is involved - except for my knees. Which, one would think since at least one of them always hurts that they would join in the party too.

It is THGGM who has been dangling from ladders, trimming trees, painting inside and out - but he feels fine. Could the difference between being 48 and 49 really be that great? I think not.

Anyway.

Jonge has learned something new. Oldest Son taught him a magic trick. He puts a tiny ball in his hand, and then puts the hand with the ball behind his back and holds the empty hand out to his side while hunching up his shoulders in a 'where is it?' sort of pose. Next he pulls the hand with the ball out from behind him. That's your clue to clap. Clap good and long.

Rapid Pulse, High Blood Pressure?

Well. It wasn't TOO bad, considering.

I had a doctor's appointment today. I see/talk to this doctor ALL the time. He is my parents doctor, THGGM's doctor and Youngest Son's doctor. I must say, it really felt weird to be there for me.

About an hour before I had to leave to navigate traffic, the power went out.

With all the road work etc. going on everywhere I wasn't too surprised.

What I WAS was stuck.

Phones didn't work.

Computer couldn't connect.

Car trapped in garage.

I did manage to stumble around in the basement I've never spent any time in looking for a phone not requiring electricity. No luck.

The new neighbors are all a mystery to me.

I went into extreme panic mode.

But, as things tend to go in my life, at the very last moment, it came back on!

I jumped in the car and off I went.

So, I wasn't too surprised that my blood pressure wasn't ideal, my pulse was booming and I had lost ten pounds. That was sweat. I'm sure of it.

Anyway. It appears I have a few more years in the land of the living.

If the power DIDN'T come back on, I had plans to play the piano all day. It's so nice to have a few things around that do not require electricity!